Am I supposed to be happy?

"Am I supposed to be happy, with all I ever wanted comes with a price..." Cat and Mouse by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

I'm back. Got stucked in my own cosmos again right after making a promise that i'll give my bloggie a regular update. Yep, I guess promises are really made to be broken.

BTW, I'm sorry about the font and color, Blogger doesn't show the font and color and other editing options as I type this. Must be a short-lived fault in their system or something.

Had been so busy this past week helping a friend move to Mandaluyong City. All where just in time when my internet got disconnected due to non-payment reason. Nothing's more irritating than losing my internet connection...it's like half of my life is missing without it. Helping my friend though kept me busy for the entirety of my internet-disconnection-period. My friend is doing ok now, and I guess my role is over. That's just what my role is...just a helper...just a friend. Sigh.

Got my internet bill paid last night and so here I am back to my regular but not-so-regular habit of writing non-sensical-stuff. My phone is still disconnected though (f*ck). I have a new number by the way, If I did not contact you using my new number, don't feel bad..you're not just that important to me...just like how unimportant I am to you.

This entry was supposed to be about something positive, but nothing positive is happening in my life so far. I am still the same old-tedious-and-lonely-fat-assed-dork (self-confessed). I will NEVER be happy...I know. Now LIFE has got to prove me wrong!

I got a job offer last May and was supposed to start on the 15th of June, but I decided not to sign the contract. And then just last week I applied for a Technical Support position both for DELL and for an Australian Internet Provider called Telstra in Teleperformance (BTW, TP sucks...the most eeewww job offer I was ever offered, but I'm not going to discuss it here. Go to TP and try it yourself), and yep, I got hired on both...but the offer weren't great. Would start on 22nd had I signed the contract. Actually, their HR is giving me untill Thursday of this week to think it over...but I'm not going back (muka nila). I'm getting offers but all are not good, and they're based in MOA and Octagon in Ortigas... like an hour or two away from Alabang. I was almost ready to say yes to octagon because I thought I can stay with my friend in Mandaluyong, but things changed. So I'm still jobless. It's not really about the money, I am looking for something more than money can offer. And I'm not talking about job. Happiness, that is.

***update: I found out TP is NOT the worst...it's eTelecare!!!...promise, sobrang baba ng in-offer na sweldo ng eTelecare, at ang bagal pa ng recruiting team nila...paghihintayin ka ng sobrang tagal, 10hrs ako dun (at hindi yan joke, totoo yan from 10am-8pm), tapos bigla kang gugulatin na ganito lang ang inooffer nila...arrrggghh.....sa TP na lang ako papasok kesa sa eTel...manigas sila!!!

Being lonely has been, and will continue to be, part of my life. Lonely and horny at the same time...a not-so-very-perfect combination. Pakshet. I am just too tired to move myself, more so my world now. I just want to stay still and wait till I die.

AFTERWORD:

I am happy for a day, and then I'll be back to the same old shitty feeling. That's how my life goes. I know I cannot go on like this, but I'm just so helpless. My happiness is very transitory. It's all temporal. I'm tired. Very very tired.

My birthday is near...I bet no one will remember it but my family.

AFTER-AFTERWORD:

I'm still dreaming that you'll surprise me on my birthday. Surprise me please. I am waiting. I'm still yours. Just yours.