I have not had the time to give my bloggie a little update. I don't know, but there was actually a point when I thought what I was doing - writing about things that nobody really gives a shit about, was just a waste of time. Turned out it really was. Nobody even reads this blog for all I know. I had been spending too much time on the internet. I liked it because that's where I get social updates. But I realized I was missing a lot more than what I was getting from the virtual world. I had been, literally, wasting time. So i decided to temporarily put it off. Getting out of the box and discovering the real world, as what I call it.
The roads I am walking on are getting a little bit rocky again. I envy most of my friends. They know what they want in life, and they really are working hard to get them. Like they all have the inspiration that keeps them moving, and living. Like their lives are made of perfect circle and straight bold lines...clear, definite and complete. Well, I believe mine is also made of lines, only that they are dotted and they take shapes and forms in ways even I cannot predict and understand, hehe. There were so many things I wanted to do. They're so many that I didn't know what to do first and where to begin. 10 years ago, I was thinking I'd be a successful engineer by the time I reach 25. That I would have a million pesos in my bank account when I reach 27. And by 30 I'd have my own house, and car, and I'd be living with a family of my own...happy and fulfilled. Disappointingly, my life is far from what I was planning 10 years ago. I am over 25 (and overweight) and I am still undecided of so many things. Nothing significantly big happened in my life yet...no accomplishment and whatnot. I'm a failure, and that's the reality I have to admit myself sooner or later. I'm not proud of it, believe me, but I am not afraid to admit it neither. Know your weakness and acknowledge it so you would know how to make yourself better - that is something I read somewhere. This is the problem when you draw a plan for yourself and you fail to make them a reality. It's like hitting yourself with a hammer you bought yourself using your hard-earned money. How frustrating that is. I want to move on and set my priorities again. But I don't know where to begin.
I will be another year older, a month and some days from now. I actually am getting closer, each year, to death. Or maybe, I am now nearer my death than my birth. Who knows. Let me ask you, if you were given the chance to know how much time you have left to live, would you want to know it? You'd be able to prepare yourself and do things that you have never done before - like... errr... seeing something majestic or getting a tattoo or maybe having sex with the sexiest and most beautiful girl you swoon over. I was thinking it would be liberating to know how much time you have left to work on. Like a preparation, a review for the exam, before you kick the bucket and answer the gatekeeper's questions. Yes, it is probably liberating. But I don't know if people who have cancer and people who know they're about to die anytime soon see it that way. More likely not.
We had a new cat. Yes, we HAD a new cat. We had him about two weeks and some days ago, and now he's dead. My youngest sister got it from a grade school or high school friend of hers in Alabang. It’s just an ordinary cat, local - to be exact, just like the dirty ones you see wandering the streets of Manila. Ash died and I am really sad. He was only a month old...real small kitten. He was so small that my older sister didn't notice him playing around the kitchen while she was washing the dishes. To make the story short, my sister, who happens to have an eyesight over 10 times worse than mine and who happens to be real careless, stepped on him. And by the force of destiny or whatsoever fucked-up fate that is, my sister stepped on my cat's head...as if it was a predestined condition reflex - she stepped on Ash's head...he died. This wasn't the first time my sister killed a pet. When I was in elementary, and she was in high school, I remember, she also stepped on a puppy silently sleeping by the front door. The puppy also died. My sister is not overweight, if you think she is. I wasn't exaggerating it when I said her eyesight is over 10 times worse than mine. It really is. I only wear eyeglasses with grades of 200, and I have astigmatism of over 200. So just imagine my sister's eyesight. Ok ok ok...she never wanted to kill Ash. It was an accident. But I still hate her for killing my new cat. Now my sister has a new title, aside from being the house's "walking disaster". She's now the house's "pet-killer". Ash...I miss you. Huhuhuhu....
I lurrrv pets. Dogs and cats. And it really breaks my heart to see a pet die. You know how these cute and lovable creatures get into our hearts. We have had dogs all my life. Cats came when I was in high school. Muning, the cat who stayed with us the longest, died last January. We had her for over 12 years. I was in first year high school when we got her from our neighbor. Muning was a really good housecat. Great hunter. And a great cat-whore too. She gets herself pregnant, with out a husband, every year. Woohoo, what a horny cat! Teee heee! XD But you know, I believe Muning really planned it all. I don’t believe she was just that horny as a cat. It was a solid plan. A systematic tactic. Well, being the head of the tribe of cats in our house, Muning didn’t just make sure her hunting ability gets better. She also made sure she increases her tribe's members each year, thus, allowing themselves to kill rats more efficiently. I lost count of the number of cats we had during Muning’s reign. Pretty sure we had a lot. Muning was the very first cat we had, and when she died we thought she’d also be the last. Ash came to take her place, but he's gone too soon.
The roads I am walking on are getting a little bit rocky again. I envy most of my friends. They know what they want in life, and they really are working hard to get them. Like they all have the inspiration that keeps them moving, and living. Like their lives are made of perfect circle and straight bold lines...clear, definite and complete. Well, I believe mine is also made of lines, only that they are dotted and they take shapes and forms in ways even I cannot predict and understand, hehe. There were so many things I wanted to do. They're so many that I didn't know what to do first and where to begin. 10 years ago, I was thinking I'd be a successful engineer by the time I reach 25. That I would have a million pesos in my bank account when I reach 27. And by 30 I'd have my own house, and car, and I'd be living with a family of my own...happy and fulfilled. Disappointingly, my life is far from what I was planning 10 years ago. I am over 25 (and overweight) and I am still undecided of so many things. Nothing significantly big happened in my life yet...no accomplishment and whatnot. I'm a failure, and that's the reality I have to admit myself sooner or later. I'm not proud of it, believe me, but I am not afraid to admit it neither. Know your weakness and acknowledge it so you would know how to make yourself better - that is something I read somewhere. This is the problem when you draw a plan for yourself and you fail to make them a reality. It's like hitting yourself with a hammer you bought yourself using your hard-earned money. How frustrating that is. I want to move on and set my priorities again. But I don't know where to begin.
I will be another year older, a month and some days from now. I actually am getting closer, each year, to death. Or maybe, I am now nearer my death than my birth. Who knows. Let me ask you, if you were given the chance to know how much time you have left to live, would you want to know it? You'd be able to prepare yourself and do things that you have never done before - like... errr... seeing something majestic or getting a tattoo or maybe having sex with the sexiest and most beautiful girl you swoon over. I was thinking it would be liberating to know how much time you have left to work on. Like a preparation, a review for the exam, before you kick the bucket and answer the gatekeeper's questions. Yes, it is probably liberating. But I don't know if people who have cancer and people who know they're about to die anytime soon see it that way. More likely not.
We had a new cat. Yes, we HAD a new cat. We had him about two weeks and some days ago, and now he's dead. My youngest sister got it from a grade school or high school friend of hers in Alabang. It’s just an ordinary cat, local - to be exact, just like the dirty ones you see wandering the streets of Manila. Ash died and I am really sad. He was only a month old...real small kitten. He was so small that my older sister didn't notice him playing around the kitchen while she was washing the dishes. To make the story short, my sister, who happens to have an eyesight over 10 times worse than mine and who happens to be real careless, stepped on him. And by the force of destiny or whatsoever fucked-up fate that is, my sister stepped on my cat's head...as if it was a predestined condition reflex - she stepped on Ash's head...he died. This wasn't the first time my sister killed a pet. When I was in elementary, and she was in high school, I remember, she also stepped on a puppy silently sleeping by the front door. The puppy also died. My sister is not overweight, if you think she is. I wasn't exaggerating it when I said her eyesight is over 10 times worse than mine. It really is. I only wear eyeglasses with grades of 200, and I have astigmatism of over 200. So just imagine my sister's eyesight. Ok ok ok...she never wanted to kill Ash. It was an accident. But I still hate her for killing my new cat. Now my sister has a new title, aside from being the house's "walking disaster". She's now the house's "pet-killer". Ash...I miss you. Huhuhuhu....
I lurrrv pets. Dogs and cats. And it really breaks my heart to see a pet die. You know how these cute and lovable creatures get into our hearts. We have had dogs all my life. Cats came when I was in high school. Muning, the cat who stayed with us the longest, died last January. We had her for over 12 years. I was in first year high school when we got her from our neighbor. Muning was a really good housecat. Great hunter. And a great cat-whore too. She gets herself pregnant, with out a husband, every year. Woohoo, what a horny cat! Teee heee! XD But you know, I believe Muning really planned it all. I don’t believe she was just that horny as a cat. It was a solid plan. A systematic tactic. Well, being the head of the tribe of cats in our house, Muning didn’t just make sure her hunting ability gets better. She also made sure she increases her tribe's members each year, thus, allowing themselves to kill rats more efficiently. I lost count of the number of cats we had during Muning’s reign. Pretty sure we had a lot. Muning was the very first cat we had, and when she died we thought she’d also be the last. Ash came to take her place, but he's gone too soon.
We were just practicing his springing and pouncing abilities the other day...
and now he's gone. (Insert sniffle here...)
