I'm still alive [or-insert-more-appropriate-title-here]

Err...

6 months boy... 6 months! I can't believe I'd been away for that long.  Yes, I am still alive.  So what's new, eh?

Same old shit.

I don't know what's gotten into me to put up an entry today. I normally just spend my days off doing nothing... which I have mastered perfectly. Let me correct myself - today isn't my day off. I called in sick today to take care of some important matter.

My sister went through an eye operation on Monday of last week. The retina of her left eye got detached for some unknown reason, and that scared us a bit as it's something that doesn't happen often in the family (retina detachment, that is) and because it involves what I consider the most vital of all senses. The last time a member of the family went through an operation was two years ago, when another sister broke her arm and a metal plate was screwed on her bone to reconnect the broken humerus. Both of my sisters are doing ok now. The one who broke her arm plays tennis now and the one who had her left eye experimented by doctors is back watching PBB live-stream nonstop. Yeah, even an eye operation could not stop her from watching the stupid show. Pffft. Our mother keeps on reminding her that she should be in bed, resting, and recuperating, but that doesn't seem to drill in her head.

I've never been admitted in a hospital, though I've been rushed a couple of times to Makati Med, from work, because of my blood pressure shooting heavenwards. Last time it happened was last month. Yes, I am hypertensive. And that scares me sometimes. I admit I faked being sick before to get out of going to school and work, and I'm guessing being hypertensive now, for real, is God's way of teaching me a lesson for making up all those i-am-sick-today-i-can't-go-to-work-blah stories.

The weather this month is crazy. It's fucking hot! And today is one of those days when I wish I live someplace else where there's snow. I'm not going to complain if a snow storm suddenly hits Manila and covers every inch of it with thick snow and icicles. I'd be the first to run outside and celebrate if that happens. XD

I kind of having second-thoughts about keeping my present job. I want to quit, but I'm trying really hard to brush that idea off my mind. I work during the day and I am getting paid real well, but arrggh... sobrang pagod na ako!!! Our work-life balance is being pushed away by the company's need for urgent improvement. Pinupukpok na nila kami ng sobra. When I started with the company over a year ago, I was thinking I finally found a career I can get excited about because of the monetary incentive. But now, feels like I'm dragging my balls each day to godamn work. And that's really not good. Oh well. I'm stopping now before this post turns into another shitty-blah.

Looks like I always have something to whine about whenever I visit my site. That sucks. I know. Bite me.

Byerts now!

Down to Zilch

I thought I'd be putting up some good news here today, but pfft, forget about the good news. I have none. I just had another one of those screw-you-all days today. I went to some big company in Mandaluyong only to be pissed-off the rest of the day. 

Why not lay all the cards down outright to avoid wasting both party's time?! Takte talaga nakakapang-init sila ng ulo kanina!!!

You prolly are wondering what the crock is about. Pfft. Confidential. Let's leave it that way for now. I'm not yet done with them (I'm want to kill them!!!)

The sentence prior this, of course, is a joke.

Good thing my sister's place is just a stone-throw away from where I had gone to. So we met up and went to McDonalds - her treat, of course, as I am totally broke and was overly pissed. I felt better after the early dinner. The fries was able to calm me down. Well, it always does. Some useless info here: If I'm in a bad mood and you want to cheer me up, take me to McDonalds and buy me a large fries (not the twister fries - errr, I don't like its taste and it's ridiculously high priced), better yet get me a BigMc combo meal and up size the fries and soda. Or take me to Wendy's and buy me the most expensive burger meal they have, in Biggie! That will surely lift my spirit back to its normal scale. In case you can't find fries (yes I'm not done yet), you can get me a box of pizza or half-a-gallon of chocolate ice cream with almonds or a genuine Mexican tacos. That's more than enough to make me smile from ear to ear. You see, I'm so easy to please. I turn into a child when presented with fries and pizza.

Now I'm feinding for real Mexican tacos. :-(

I want this!!!  Now!!!

My sister had to leave for work after our early dinner at McDo, so we didn't have much time to hang out. I was happy again after the dinner. Relieved, and slightly elated at the sour feeling and anger I had overcome, I thought of treating myself a medium size of Manila Scramble, which was right outside the mall. Used to have it everyday when I was in elementary and high school. I love scramble so much that a portion of my daily allowance was solely dedicated to it. While I was waiting in line, behind me were two old ladies talking about tonight's jackpot prize in the lottery. A whopping 495 Million Pesosesoses!!! I was soooo surprised it ballooned to that amount! I mean, it's the biggest jackpot in Philippine history!!! While I was waiting for my turn to get my medium size scramble, I asked one of the old ladies where the nearest lottery outlet is. It's inside the mall, I was told. So, while I was feeling nostalgic with my scramble, I found myself scrambling back inside the mall to place my bets in the lottery. The jackpot prize is 495 million, I thought, if I win I'd give half of it to charity, and the rest would be divided and shared with my folks at home. I was feeling hopeful, and I'm sure everybody else in line was. Two number combinations, and I was done. I folded 6 lotto cards (they're just there, uncontrolled - so might as well use a lot) and carefully placed my ticket in between to protect it.

But what are the odds of actually winning the 6/55 grand lotto? Well, it's one in 28,989,675! Pull up an excel worksheet and in a cell type-in =combin(55,6) to see the number. The probability of getting hit by a lightning might even be greater than winning the lottery. Pffft. But who knows, I might just win!  If I do, I'd get a house in Ayala Alabang, or in Dasmariñas Village or Forbes Park in Makati, and I'd put up a business to make my money produce more and more money until I'm rich enough to tell Henry Sy to move over.

Libre lang naman ang mangarap at umasa eh. XD

My already-happy feeling turned sour again when I took the bus home. An old crush, who was a schoolmate in high school, was on the same bus and asked me to take the seat next to her. I got surprised and excited because we did not see each other for more than 5 years. It's what I feel whenever I bump into old friends. How-are-you?,  I asked her excitedly.  She did not answer my question, instead she asked me if it was windy outside (Mahangin ba sa labas?), and started to laugh. That's when I realized my hair was looking shabby and ridiculous. I laughed with her, of course, but truth be told I felt so embarrassed I wish I rode the next bus. So I began explaining to her why my hair was such a mess and how it managed to cross the line of being unmanageable. I told her I cut my hair and that I'm actually pretty good at it (which is really true, but this talent is restricted to my own hair so don't ask me to cut yours) but I lost control of my hair when I forgot to trim it like what I used to do every couple of weeks or so, since I am mostly at home. So I pretty much embraced my semi-long hair and let it grow, I told her. Then she asked me where I work, yadah-yadah-yadah, and she began to tell stories about her great job as a boss in an international company, and then she showed me pictures of her husband and son, yadah-yadah-yadah....

....

....

....

and my sense of self-worth plummeted from its normal scale to zilch.

Siya na ang successful at may happy family. Ako na ang kabaligtaran. Pfft.

So much for the happiness that the large fries from McDonalds gave me. It just unraveled during the entire trip. Thanks to my old crush.

I got home, feeling gloomy and down, and sorry for myself.  I waited for the lotto draw, and of course, I didn't win. Not a single number from the winning combination is in my ticket.

Tomorrow is another day.  Oh Gawd I hope it's better!

Byerts!

Picnic sa damuhan habang pumapatak ang ulan.

Pagod, puyat, ulan, at maraming stressful moments - yan ang mga naganap sa nakalipas na dalawang gabi at isang araw sa Eternal Gardens, Balintawak.  Nakakabadtrip lang ang magtayo ng tent mag-isa habang umaambon.  Masarap sana ang panahon - bed-weather eh.  Pero masarap lang yan pag nasa bed ka at hindi sa sementeryo.  Masaya naman kahit papaano at nakita ko rin ang mga kamag-anak ko sa side ni daddy, at si daddy - gwapo parin, parang hindi tumatanda, forever 56.  Binilang ko ang mga buhay na kaluluwa ng mga kamag-anak ko, 20 kami lahat kanina na bumisita sa mga namayapa naming mahal sa buhay at nagpicnic ng masaya at naghabulan habang kumakandirit sa basang damuhan.  Merong mga hindi nakapunta, at as usual madami ang late dumating.  Sarap sana magpapicture dahil minsan lang kami magkita-kita, kaso namatay agad ang battery bago pa man magamit ang digicam - masaklap pa, naiwan ko ang spare batt at charger. Yung camera naman ng dati-eh-reliable-pero-hindi-na-ngayon na 3yo nokia N73 ko ay nagloloko.  Wala tuloy akong nakuhang picture kahit isa.  At ayon sa mga kamag-anak ko, chumubby (chubby) daw ako lalo.  Pfft.  Sila na ang sexy at slim.

Maikli lamang ito, dahil pagod na. Magbabalik na lang sa ibang araw.

Byerts! XD

A SHORT STORY

Once upon a time, a strangely hungry family went out to celebrate the mother's birthday. They sure ate a lot....

But the mother was not satisfied...

and so were her children....

so the brilliant man of the family thought of something.... (dyaran!!!)

He bought a big bowl of Halo-halo. "Dessert for everyone!", he said.

But ended up consuming it by himself.

Tsk tsk tsk... THE END.

Wait!!! That's not how the story ended! The brilliant man didn't eat the gigantic serving of halo-halo alone for chrisake! He ate just half of it. Teeee heee! XD

Went out with my family (minus one - the eldest left early for work, and a soul - Dad, who prolly was with us for all we know ) this afternoon to celebrate our mom's birthday. Just a simple celebration, as usual. This year, we went to Max's at Festival Mall in Alabang. I think we were at Gilligans in Trinoma the other year. Anyways, we arrived in the restaurant a few minutes before 5pm, which made us a bit early for their "Chicken-all-you-can" promo, which starts at 6pm. It's tempting, because you get to have as much "sarap-to-the-bones" Max's chicken for only 165 Php (listen, I wasn't paid to do this, and I'm not promoting it in any way, ok). But it's my mom's birthday, so it's not really the right time to spend reluctantly.  Sky is the langit, I mean, the limit! - sagot ni Ate Be! Haha! I honestly don't like the promo anyway - it sounded to me like "cholesterol-all-you-can".

Then...

Tik-ti-la-ok!!! What the crock is that??? Everybody turned their heads to the direction where the sound was coming from. It was somewhere at the corner of the restaurant to my right...where two ladies were seated. I looked around and saw everyone with the what-the-fuck-is-that-clucking-stupid-chicken-all-about face, while the two ladies had the "no-no-no-it-wasn't-us" look. Hahaha... The speaker was on the ceiling atop the table where the two ladies where seated. We initially thought it's a promo similar to what they used to have, and that they're going to give each table a special dessert or sort of. But we were wrong. The clucking chicken was their signal for the start of the "chicken-all-you-can" promo. I could have gotten what it was had I known the time was 6pm.

It was a very simple celebration, but it was fun. Us going out together rarely happens. Looking forward to the next one. XD

REMEMBERING TATAY

Birthday's over but nothing has changed. I only got a year older and that was it. Monday was one of the saddest birthdays I had. It started ok but didn't end well. Sorry, but I won't be blathering about that here. Today is my dad's death anniversary. And I want to use this small piece of cyberspace to write about him.

"June 17, 2004, Thursday. Around 8pm. My father died, but I didn't cry a single tear. In fact, I was quite relieved that my dad's suffering finally ended. My heart wasn't hurting at all, but my mind was not at peace. I didn't know what to do. I could not even pray calmly. Yes...I wasn't hurting, but my mind was lost. Or maybe I was hurting, but I was more relieved than hurt. My mom and all my sisters, except the eldest who was on her way home from work in Makati, were around my dad when he took his last breath. I was sitting on the sofa. Only a thin wall was separating my parent's room and the living room. I heard my sisters and my mom talking to my dad. I'm sure they were talking to him, but their voices weren't clear, like they were crying. They were whispering to my dad, until I heard my mom. Yes she was crying. And suddenly, her crying got louder. At that very moment I knew that my father was gone. I felt my mother's pain. But I didn't cry a single tear."

I'm the fourth child, and the only boy in the family. I can say I was my dad's favourite. My mom and sisters told me many times about how my dad was jumping in joy when I was born. I can say I was a daddy's boy... taking me with him wherever he does his sideline jobs on weekends. He knew a lot of things, and was a perfect handyman. One of the things he was best at is fixing car computer boxes, which, when I was 9 or 10, were nothing more than a green metal board with miniature buildings perfectly portrayed by capacitors and resistors soldered to it. Later I found out my dad was making around 10K pesos in every computer box fixed. Now I wish I know how to do it.

At age 10, I started to learn to drive... on my own. During that time, my father was teaching my other sister, who was 7yrs older than myself, to drive. I envied her because she was allowed to drive around the neighborhood. Well, my father also taught me the basics. He taught me how to start the engine, how to switch gears, and how to step on the clutch and the accelerator with control, but he only allowed me to drive the car forward and backward. I wanted to learn more but he said I was too young for serious driving lesson. He said he'd teach me more when I'm older. There was a basketball court outside our house where I can do more than just forward and backward driving, I thought. So being the very impatient and hard-headed me, I took the car keys one day, while he was busy doing something inside the house, and drove the car. I was very excited, and was determined to make history, and make my father proud. I wanted to surprise them. And yes, I did make history. On my first solo-driving attempt, I forgot to switch the gear to neutral and excitedly stepped on the accelerator and hit the clutch sloppily. Then Bang! I hit the washing machine that was standing a few feet away in front of the car. I froze. I didn't know what to do. I knew right there and then I got myself in a big trouble. I thought of restarting the engine to drive the car back to its original place but I was moved by another bang. It was my father. He hit the roof of the car and opened the door angrily and pulled me out by my arm. "Ang tigas ng ulo mo!" - then he hit me on my butt harder than he ever did. I knew I was wrong, and I understood I did something terribly stupid. I was so afraid to say a word, so I just ran back inside the house crying. And that was the end of my driving lesson. I wasn't even able to take the car outside the garage. He never let me hold the wheel after that.

from Remembering Dad (posted on June 17, 2009)

My dad was always with me when I needed him, even in times when I didn't. My father had so many expectations on me, being his only son. He was a perfect handyman, and he wanted me to be like him. He never told me that, but I felt and I knew that's what he and my mom wanted. He didn't do it for a living though. For him, fixing and rebuilding things was a hobby. His hands were very creative. In highschool, I learned to fix electric fan and flat iron, not because I wanted to, but I was told to do so. He said it is important for me to learn such things, especially that I am the man in the family. I felt pressured. I felt even more pressured because my older sister was better than me in fixing things. She had patience, and passion in troubleshooting things...which I didn't have. Everything, for me, was a drag... a big pain in the ass. There was even a time when I wished he'd leave me alone and just let me do what I want. And when I was starting my fourth year in college, he was diagnosed with cancer and was told he only had 6 months left to live. It was the saddest news I heard. Before that, I was thinking it would be liberating to know the time you have left on earth to work on. But after I heard about my father's condition, I realized it wasn't. I hate being told what to do, more so hearing people defining my own life. But being told I only have this amount of time to live is something I never want to hear.

"I didn't cry when Tatay died. But when he was brought to the cemetery, when we had our last chance to see his face before his casket was closed, while he was being put down, I saw myself crying like I never did... because I knew it was the last time we will ever see him... and he's not coming back."

Maybe I'd be better in making choices in life, and maybe my life would be different if he was still here giving me parental guidance. I used to be better with people. I used to be better with myself. But things are different now. I miss Tatay.