An Afterlife Experience; Ghost for a Thousand Years [a short story]

Anyone who came to visit me knew that it was my last day. They - my friends, relatives, came to the house to see me and say goodbye. They all knew I was dying. I was perfectly aware of it too.

My wife’s father spoke, “Let’s pick up Father Matthew.” My wife cried, and I felt her threw herself to me, trying to hug my vegetable body. My body wasn’t moving. I was quadriplegic for 4 months, as the doctor said; till I totally lost control of everything. I couldn’t even open my eyes. It felt as though my eyelids and mouth were sewn shut as I struggle to open them. Physically, there was nothing I could do. Before my body became thoroughly deteriorated, I remember how Lucia carried me to the bath every time I needed to use the toilet. Each time was embarrassing and I loathe those moments. Privacy wasn't the only thing I lost, but also my pride. It was a very dreadful feeling in the beginning. So dreadful that every time she’d carry me to the toilet I wished I was dead. That’s the last thing a man would ever want to happen; to need someone to wipe his ass, and hold his penis when he needs to pee... it's something that I could only hope would never happen to anyone close to me.

But it wasn’t all that bad. Those moments also made me realize how genuine her love for me was. And I loved her even more. “Lucia”, I said, “please don’t cry. I hate it when you cry. You must realize you look ugly when you cry.” And I continued, “Don’t let any moment take your beauty.”

“Please don’t go George”, she continued to cry. “I’d do anything to keep you with me. Lord, oh please!”

She didn’t hear a word I said.

I knew how she felt. I knew she loved me, and imagining myself losing her would make me cry the way she did. Oh I loved my wife. My beautiful wife.

My wife was a great believer of God. I wasn't. She had always wanted me to go to church. I remember going with her a few times. I did it for her, not for anyone else; definitely not for who she call her God. And that’s just one of the many things that we didn’t agree about. We had plenty, but I won’t discuss it with you. You know, some things are best kept between husbands and wives. What I want to say is, we had a lot of differences in likes and beliefs, but nothing could change the fact that I loved my wife. I loved her so much, and I didn’t want to die and leave her behind. I could not stand seeing her cry. But the universe, or should I say, her God, had his own way of arranging things – like me dying that day… something that she didn’t want to believe her God would permit.

“I will be gone soon Lucia, but I will always love you.”, I told her, without opening my mouth. I was talking to her, in my mind, hoping that she’d hear me.

I couldn’t open my eyes but I knew I was surrounded by the people I loved. At times I wanted to tell them I was fine, and that I was happy to see, or rather, feel their presence, but my mouth would not allow me to speak.

“You will not die, George! You are staying right here, just with me!” my wife, Lucia, talking to me. I said, “Honey, I can feel I don’t have much time remaining. I will be leaving soon. I love you so much. How I wish you can hear me.”

Half an hour passed. Only thing I heard was my wife’s crying.

“Father Matthew is here”, my father-in-law said. And Lucia cried harder and hugged me even more. “No!!! My George is not dying. God will save him!” She hugged me firmly… like she’s ready to attack anyone who’d dare to take me away from her. She was begging God not to take me. She was crying to God to save me.

I never believed in God. The absence of proof is the proof of absence. I wanted to tell Lucia to stop crying. There was nothing we could do.

And as I expected, her God didn’t hear a word she cried. I was sad for my wife. Things and events that were already planned by the universe is inevitable. My death was bound to happen. I was ready.

A little moment after the priest said his prayers for the dying, I died. That was the signal. Lucia cried even harder. But I could no longer feel her skin against mine. Her hug was, numb. For a few moments, I was just lying there, eyes still closed, thinking if I were really dead. I opened my eyes, which I was not able to do for a month, and a strong beam of light shone from above, it was so strong it hurt my eyes so bad; like the sun when it pierces my eyes when I look at it directly. I thought, at first, that it was the light that people talk about. Well, I was wrong. It was the light bulb on the ceiling that was blinding me. Took me a minute for my eyes to adjust to it, and I moved my head to see my wife crying.

I moved my eyes inside the room and found everyone - my family, friends. Some were crying. Some weren’t showing any emotion at all, but everyone’s eyes were fixed on me, and my crying wife.

It was a very strange feeling. My back, which had been sore for many months of lying in bed, could no longer feel it. I felt airy and light-headed as I rose out of the bed. I felt I was separated from my body; I really was. My body looked frozen in the bed. I tried to lay down again in hopes of returning to my body, but I failed. “I'm dead.” I looked at my wife, Lucia, burying her face to my chest while trying to pull my body up by my shirt. I almost wanted to cry. No, in fact, I did cry. I didn’t feel tears in my eyes, but I knew I cried.

While to the world I was dead, I can find no words to eloquently describe the experience. My feet was on the ground, but I felt so light I couldn’t even feel my feet touching it. It was something beyond this world, and cannot be described sufficiently in worldly terms. Then, a brighter light came through the wall in our room. “This one is what they’re talking about. So it’s true after all.” I thought. I was waiting for someone to appear. Maybe an old man with thick, white beard, wearing all white. You know. The shit people say when people die. Yes, the light was real. I saw it. I was looking at it for 2 minutes, or maybe longer, without blinking my eyes, but nobody showed up. The light was getting brighter and brighter, but it wasn’t hurting anymore. My eyes got used to it quickly. I looked at my wife who was still crying. Then, like an old photo losing it's colour, fading, everyone started to disappear... like a thick smoke slowly losing it’s shape… until they’re all gone.

That was the last I could remember of the day I died.

I felt as though I had disappeared and some magical force carried me to a place where nothing was visible but bright light. The silence was deafening. 35 years I lived on earth but I never felt so alone. Never thought I’d experience it afterlife. I didn’t know where I was but I perfectly knew I was dead. My mind continued to function, like now, as I was able to think about what was happening during that moment, but my senses were all gone. Thus passed the time, till I heard a man spoke. Sure thing, I was glad to hear a voice. Who knows how may hours, or days, I was floating in that cosmos, alone.

“Your name?” The voice said, who I assumed was talking to me.

“Who are you? Where are we?” I reluctantly asked.

“Your name?” the man asked again, louder, and was indeed demanding an outright answer.

I was looking around, trying to catch a glimpse of the person talking to me when I answered his question. “I’m George, and I think I’m dead.”

“Of course you are! Hahaha…”, the man laughed, as though I threw him a very funny joke, then he paused. The man sounded he was trying to stop himself from laughing, and continued, “Take a seat, George.”

I was about to tell him I couldn’t see a thing, when the room we were in started to become visible. I saw a white cabinet standing a few meters to my right. It was full of books. I was trying to read the titles as I walked towards it till bumped into a steel chair.

“Sit down.” The man offered.

“Listen,” I said, “I don’t know who you are and I don’t know where I am, but I really think I am dead. I shouldn’t be anywhere. I should be gone.”

The man sniffled, then paused, like he was thinking what he’s going to say or ask next. I remained quiet, waiting patiently for the man to answer the questions I threw him. I didn’t notice right away that a table was in front of me. It was also made of steel, and the fact that the table was painted white made it barely noticeable. I leaned forward and placed my elbow on the steel table and cupped my cheeks with my hands, just like what I used to do when I was still alive.

“You are dead, and you are neither in heaven nor hell.” the man said. “And I am God.” , he continued.

I then distinguished something like a human form at the other side of the long table. I didn’t say a word. I was waiting for the man, who claimed himself as God, to continue. And everything became visible. I saw his face. A man, who looked my father’s age, maybe in his 60′s. He had a long curly hair, a scruffy face with beard, wearing an all-white tuxedo. I was examining his face when he showed me a craggy smile. “You didn’t believe me when I said I was God, did you?”

I did not answer outright. “If you really are God, then you should know what my answer is.”

“Well, you're right. I knew that’s what you were going to say”, the man answered. “Let me see,” then the man waved his hand in the air, and got himself something like an iPad from nowhere. Didn’t see how he did it. He flipped his hand in the air, and the next thing I knew he already had that thing in his hand. “So you don’t believe in God, and you don’t believe in heaven nor hell.” the man paused again. “I honestly don’t know what to do to you. But you're right. You are dead. You saw yourself in the bed before you were brought here, did you not?”

I nodded.

“I know what’s on your mind and what's in your heart, but I want to hear it from you,” the man continued, “do you still believe God doesn’t exist? That I-do-not exist?”

“What’s the point of asking me that question?”

“I want to hear you say it.”, he said.

“Let’s get over this. Just do what you want to do, and take me to wherever you think I should go. As far as I know I shouldn’t be anywhere. I should just be gone.” I said.

The man gave me an honest smile. “Not that fast George. We need to settle this issue first. I am God and I know you know now that I am real, but you are ashamed that you didn’t believe in me your whole life, and now you’re dead you find yourself in that chair, and across the table, in front of you, is God. That’s what you have in mind. You can’t hide it. Tell me you believe in me and I will take you with me to heaven.”

“No I won’t.”

“Why?”

“You’re not real, and this is just a dream. You are just an illusion. That shit, that the old wise men fed the weak-willed and vulnerable, tens of thousands of years ago. The first of humans in this world sold us to that insane idea. They did it to gain control of the people, by forcing them to believe that something like you exists. I do not believe in any organized religion and I don't believe in you.”

The man was still smiling. “But you’re here now, and you’re talking to me, your God.”

“You’re nothing but a dream. I was dying, my mind wasn’t in its best condition when I died. How this is happening, I don't know. But I know you’re just a dream, a post-life imagination of my mind, and you’ll be gone after this and everything else, including me, will vanish, pffft! Like that!” I muttered.

“So you want to go to hell?” the man asked.

I answered, “I am not going anywhere. After this, you and I will slip away to nothingness. That’s the end.”

“Ok George,” said the man while rubbing his beard, like he was thinking of the next word to say, “what can I do to make you say you believe in me?”

“Nothing.” I said.

“I want to give you another chance George. Though you didn’t believe in me while you were alive, though you have some dirty little secrets… you were a good man, and you were a good husband to your wife. I cannot just throw you to hell. I’m going to ask you one more time, and after this, your next chance is after a thousand years. Think before you give your answer”, the man paused. “Do you believe in me, your God?”

“You know what my answer is….I don’t.” I answered.

“Your heart says otherwise.” Then the man tapped his device that looked like an iPad, and started writing with his invisible pen. I could tell he was writing something. Then he spoke, “You were a good man George, so I will not throw you to hell. Instead, I will give you another chance and take you back to earth, to help you realize my existence. But you must not forget that you are already dead. You will go back to earth, but you won’t live another life. You are allowed to watch over your loved ones, and roam around and do whatever will please you, but you will not be able to do anything physically. You cannot talk to people, you cannot touch them, and you will stay on earth till your next chance arrive, which is, errrr, after a thousand years from now. You may go.” The man smiled for the last time and then he's gone.

I didn’t get a chance to answer. Next thing I knew I was back in Manila, in the university where I studied college. Whatever brought me there, I do not know.

“You will stay on earth till your next chance arrive, which is after a thousand years.” That’s what the man I spoke with said. The man who claimed himself as God. I was wearing the same shirt I was wearing before I died. I put my hands in my pocket and realized it has money inside; you know, old tradition that our people do when someone passes away.

I tried to flag down an empty cab but the driver didn’t pull over. Oh well, what was I thinking? I am dead. Nobody sees me.

Thought of getting on a bus, so I walked to Park and Ride in Lawton, got on a bus and sat at the back row. People come and go, and just as I expected, nobody paid attention to me. I felt lonely, being ignored.

I reached home riding buses and jeepneys. The rides were free, of course. “So this is how it’s like.” I thought. You pay the full price when you’re young, get 20 percent discount when you reach the senior citizen bracket, and you get the rides free when you’re dead.

Our house still looked the same. I went straight to our room and found my wife cleaning. The room looked a bit different. The clock that I used to stare at when I was bedridden wasn’t there anymore. And the calendar that was hanging on the wall was for the year 2012. Two years had passed then since I died, I thought. I was just talking to that man who claimed himself as God, right after I died. It made me so confused I stopped analyzing. Lucia was cleaning our room. She opened the drawer at the bottom of the big cabinet. “Oh Lucia, you kept all my things.”, I said in joy, trying to talk to her. Inside was a box where we kept our pictures. She opened it and on top was our wedding picture. She then started to cry, and kissed me in the picture. Two years had passed and Lucia was still grieving over my death. It made me cry. I didn’t feel my tears but I knew I cried again. She missed me. She lifted the box where our pictures were kept while still crying. Below that box was another box. A box made of wood. Then I remembered it was mine. Nobody knew what that box was, not even my wife. “Don’t open that Lucia, no!” I tried to grab her hand but a strong bolt of electricity ran in my entirety just before my hand touched hers.  For the first time, after the day I died, I felt pain. Physical pain. I didn’t feel my arse touching the seat when I took the bus, and that made me wonder what that physical pain was about. I tried to stop her again but the same pain pinned my whole body. So that’s what the bearded man meant when he said I cannot touch people, I thought. I didn’t want Lucia to open that box. That’s the last thing I wanted her to do now that I’m dead. I swear, I was going to throw it away, I swear, but the accident happened.

Lucia found my dvd and magazine porn collection inside. Women of different colours and sizes, all nude, fucking, showed as she flipped through the pages. Two years after my death, Lucia was still grieving, and while she was crying, thinking about our memories, she found my porn. She put everything back inside the box and burned the whole thing outside. She was hurt, and disgusted. I didn’t know what to do.

A year and a half past, and I was still there. At home. Lucia had moved on and found herself another man. They got married and stayed in our house. They slept in our room. They kissed and fucked in our room, in the kitchen, in the bath. I saw it all. Every night they do it. But there was nothing I could do. I’m dead, and Lucia, the woman I loved so much, had moved on. She had to, I understand.

Each day, I walked the streets of Manila aimlessly. One good thing about being dead is you don’t get tired. You can walk and walk, and walk some more, without getting tired. I don’t even have to eat or drink or sleep. I don’t get tired, but completely powerless. What they say about ghosts, being powerful, is bullshit. Huh, I could not even lift a needle. I can walk, stand, and sit, and go through walls but that’s about it. If I could die a second time I’d die of boredom.

In front of me now is a newspaper stand. Today's date is March 29, 2022. I don’t know where I’m going after this. Maybe go to the Mall of Asia and watch a movie. I'm flying tomorrow to Seatlle, Washington, ticket is free, you know.

The man who claimed himself as God said my next chance is after a thousand years. 12 years had passed. Pfft, like 12 years mean anything compared to a thousand years. I started to believe in God the moment I saw and talked to that man. He’s real. I was too stupid not to admit it. And this is the punishment; to be a ghost for a thousand years.

I still love Lucia.

How about you, what's your story?

[END]


Copyright © 2010, Yffar, All rights reserved

Early Christmas Gift, yeahbah!

Whoooo peeeee! :-) What a great day it was for me! I mentioned in my previous post that I have a small package to pick-up in QC. Well, I got it this afternoon. *insert-happy-dance-here* All the while I thought I was gonna get some chocolates or something usually given as pasalubong (like a shirt or a bottle of  perfume), but to my surprise I got something even better!

I got these...

Not chocolates, but better. XD

This is from Sir Jaime, from Seattle, WA, whom I have known online for quite some time. It's just soooo kind and soooo generous of him to give me all these - a set of acrylic and oil paints (big tubes), paint brushes of different types and sizes (total of 40 brushes!), a brush cleaner, acrylic mediums, 2 palettes and a palette knife, colored pencils, a calligraphy kit, 2 Books, and more.  The wood palette and some of the brushes were actually made in China.  Funny that they had to travel to the US only to be sent back to Asia. When I saw the entirety of what I was told to pick up, I was like - "are you serious you're giving me all these?"  What I received was way greater in quantity than what I originally purchased when I started painting a few months back.  This is an early Christmas gift!  Ang dami-dami at amoy Seattle, Washington pa! Hahaha.

*Thanks again Sir Jaime, I really appreciate everything!  May God bless you and your loved ones!  Btw, thanks also to your daughter and her secretary for being nice when I came to pick up the package (I'm just quite disappointed they didn't offer me anything to drink - hahaha, NO - just kidding sir!)  Ang bait-bait nyo po, I'll buy you lunch when you come over Manila next year.*

Now that I got big tubes of paints, I just need to get some pre-stretched canvas so I can get back into painting. I'm aware I'm not a schooled artist and I never took any art lesson before, but some say I'm doing pretty good for a newbie (LOL yabang lang). And as a learning painter, being restricted by perspectives and shadows is something I don't want to get myself into. That's why I identify with folk art. My instinct to paint and my will to learn are greater than my inhibitions about painting, and I guess that's one good quality I have. Yes people, I paint from my heart (drama ang potah, haha). There were even nights before when I got so engrossed in painting that it was 4am before I realized the time. That's how much I enjoy doing it. Much like having sex, you know. Hahaha, just kidding. Sex is better.

Recently I realized how blogging can be a good source of online friends, but that would be impossible if I continue writing emoish-blahness, which nobody really wants to read. Come on, the world's already full of shit and negative vibes and I no longer want to add up to it. But, errr, bad things do really happen sometimes, so I still might throw some of them here unconsciously (and consciously). This is MY blog, bite me. Oh well, I am, again, speaking in paradox, haha. Kidding aside, should bad things/news/experience come my way, I'd just let it go. Much like reading a book - turn the page when it's done.

I find blogging now a bit of a challenge, but I'm up for it. I mean, I want to thrive on the challenge to write something that people will enjoy, and learn and benefit from. Not a small thing, I know.

That's all for tonight. Byerts people!

 
 

Blah for 10/24/2010

Had no internet connection for a week. How's that? Pfft.

Glad I'm back, whoooopeeee! XD haha!  Cracked a few books during my temporary internet hiatus. Read Smaller and Smaller Circles by FH Batacan, The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom, and finally finished American Gods by Neil Gaiman. Well, I didn't go online today to make a book review - but let me tell you, all these books are worth reading!  F.H. Batacan is a Filipino, and her novel, Smaller, won the 1999 Palanca Grand Prize, just so you know. Half of my book collections are by Filipino Writers; this is the least I can do to support the local writers.

I've been blogging since 2005, as far as I remember, and I admit, I'm a bad blog-parent. If my blog were a plant, it would be dead by now!  I guess that explains why I have had quite a number of blogs in the past. I started with Yahoo360 Blogs, then moved to Friendster, then went back to 360, then moved to Wordpress, and currently with Blogger. I still have another wordpress blog to this date, where I originally wanted to throw my rants and emoish-litany-blahs. It's my 2nd year anniversary with blogger in January 2011 and I will try to stay longer.  Been following a few blogs religiously and most do not know I am stalking them. It was only lately when I started leaving comments in the blogs I visit - and it was fun! I get to interact with people I do not know, and I get to hear what they have to say about things and life in general.  Lately I realized that nobody's following my site.  Sheeesh.  2 years in my new dot com yet no loyal follower, hahaha, what a pity! Actually, it was only a few months back when I added the Follow Me widget on the side of this blog. I was selfish and wanted to keep this blog from other people. I remember some bloggers, before, asking for x-links, which, to be honest, I didn't really understand.  I mean, I don't get their point.  Those blogs who I think are worth reading are the only ones I added. Them adding me to their's didn't really matter. I never really wanted anyone to read my blog - which defeats most bloggers purpose of putting up an online blog. Crazy, I was, huh?

But things are different now. So yeah, you are now allowed to stalk me blog. XD

I was contacted by a friend in the US, and was told I have a small package to pick up in QC.  First time for me to receive a package from the US, and I am sooooo excited!  I asked what it was but I was told it's a surprise.  Parang birthday ko lang, hihihi! XD  Sana panay chocolates ang padala, teeee heeeee!  I lurve chocolates!  Haha... parang bata ang potah. XD  Thanks Jaime!

That's the Blah for today...byerts now. XD

NEWS TODAY: Monster Kid, Typhoon, and RH

Haven't been watching the news lately. Actually, news is the only thing I watch in tv these days. All the local shows which they call "teleserye/telenobela/bullshits" are just plain sick and stupid. Arrggh! Truly, the world of local tv is reeking of stupidity and evil.

This will be a short story, so just bear with me. I remember my sister telling me about her colleague's 7yo daugther.  Her Inaanak (godchild) to be precise. Well, her colleague brought the kid to the office one day, and being the typical mischievous kid, the kid took my sister's keys and hid it somewhere. My sister knew that it was her inaanak who took it.  She saw her inaanak playing around with her keys a few moments before she realized it was missing.  Being the "mabait na ninang", she (doing the baby talk) asked the kid to return her keys offering her some candies in return.  To everyone's surprise, the child answered "Sinungaling ka ninang! Wala akong kinukuha! Sinungalang si Ninang, Mama!" (You're a liar, I didn't take your keys, biatch!), like a short drama skit you'd often see in tv.  (Just kidding, hehehe - the kid didn't say the b word.  I just put it for additional effect.)  Later that day, the kid's mother found my sister's keys inside their grocery bag. Pfft. On that same day, the kid found another victim in the office, this time it's my sister's 8-month-old pregnant colleague.  Preggy was doing a report, or sort of, in the computer, but the kid kept pestering her, pushing random keys in the keyboard and interrupting her work.  Preggy finally lost her patience and ordered the kid to stop or she'd ask the guard to take her to jail. The kid, again, suddenly turned into a teleserye-montster-child and said  "Ayaw ko! Sige, papatayin ko yang baby mo sa tyan! Gusto mo patayin ko yan?!" (Go ahead and I'll kill your baby!  Do you want me to kill your baby?!)  Everyone was shocked. And what did the kid's mom do? Nothing. Pfft. The mother just laughed. You know, she just gave the "kids-are-really-like-this" kind of laugh and said pasensya na. That kid is abominable! It's evil! Give her few more years and she'd be yelling "Pasasabugin ko kayong mga putang ina nyo!!!" while holding a grenade. Ooops, haha. Don't get me wrong. I love kids, but I hate parents who don't know how to control and teach their children values. That's what happens when parents let their kids watch those sick, local tv drama series without adult supervision.

PAG-ASA was anticipating a typhoon to hit Manila and that's been the news since Thursday of last week. I just learned this morning that the typhoon went a little up north, thus avoiding Manila. Manila is safe for now. It's typhoon signal number 4 in some provinces in Northern Luzon.  People are worried that it's going to be like Ondoy, which was a real disaster last year. Imagine one month's worth of the normal rainfail, falling on Metro Manila in just 6hrs. That was the worst rainfall here since 1960's. The drainage system in Manila sucks, but I think even with a good drainage system Manila will still be overwhelmed by that amount of rainfall.  I haven't seen the sun since Saturday, and I miss it.

Another thing that's been on the local news since the beginning of the month, and I've been wanting to blog about but didn't, is the Reproductive Health bill (RH).  The Church's opinion of the RH bill doesn't really make them appear pro-life, but rather pro-birth.  Seems like they only care about the birth.  But do they really care about what happnes after it?  I wrote a comment in one of the dot coms that I frequent in the blogosphere.  I think it is best if I'll just copy-paste it here. (Saves me time. It's written in Tagalog though.)

My comment in Mabuti Na Lang Pala at Wala Akong Relihiyon by Lio Loco, on Oct.11

sa mga ikinakatwiran ng simbahan, hindi naman sila lumalabas na pro-life, kundi pro-birth lamang. Hindi naman sila nag-aalala kung anong mangyayari pagkatapos ng ipanganak ng sanggol. Napanood ko yung interbyu ni Boy Abunda with Bishop Deogracias Iniguez sa The Bottomline kagabi. Nadisappoint ako dahil hindi pa pala nababasa nung bishop yung kabuuan ng RH Bill. eh hindi lang naman ukol sa contraception ang laman nito. marami pang bagay ang nakapaloob sa bill gaya ng ano at ng ano (too many to mention, haha).

isa pa, may mga bagay na hindi dapat ikategorya bilang moral o imoral, gaya nitong RH Bill, sa parehong paraan na hindi maaaring ikategorya ang contraception bilang anti-life o pro-life. Hindi ito pro-life pero hindi rin naman ito anti-life. (malabo ba?) kaya labas na dapat ang simbahan sa usaping ito. pero mukang mahihirapan sila na basta nalang manahimik, kasi nga naman hindi lang bahagi ng idelohiya ng pananampalataya nila ang kailangan nilang isantabi pansamantala, kundi pati narin ang pride nila. pero kagaya natin, maaari ding magbigay ang mga pari ng kanilang pananaw tungkol sa usaping ito bilang mga mamamayan ng bansa (oo, miyembro din sila ng tinatawag na "boss" ni pnoy bilang mga botante at kapwa mga pilipino), ngunit hindi ang mag-utos ng kung ano ang dapat gawin ng gobyerno lalo na't bahagi ng kinabukasan ng bansa ang nakataya.

sang-ayon ako sa mensahe na nais na iparating ni beltran, ngunit hindi sa paraan na ginamit nya. marami namang ibang paraan gaya ng ano at ng ano at ng ano (too many to mention ulit). hindi lang naman yung pari na kumakatawan sa simbahan ang binastos nya, kundi pati narin ang pribadong oras ng mga tao na nagkukwentuhan (nagdadasal pala) sa simbahan. hindi naman kailangang magbastusan para maihayag ang kung ano mang nais sabihin. gaano may kainit ang isyu hindi parin dapat mawala ang respeto. at dahil inaantok na ako, tatapusin ko na to. sori napahaba.

I know it looks more like another blog entry than a comment because of its length, haha. That's what happens when I get carried away by the topic.

No sign of sun till now, only cumulonimbus in the sky. It's gonna rain again anytime soon.

Christmas 2010 Wish List

I realized that it's almost Christmas when I saw a video of Jose Mari Chan's Christmas in Our Hearts on a friend's wall in facebook. Yep, Christmas is near and I think that's enough good news to write about. Time really flies so fast. Teee heee! I didn't get any gifts worth-mentioning last year. Nothing materialized in my wish list last Christmas, pffft. But it's ok. I'm not bitter or something. I'm used to it, haha.

Although nobody's been giving me anything that's on my Christmas wish list for the past n years, I'm still going to write down the things I want this Christmas. This is a "wish list", so I might as well put here the things I really really want! Teeee heeee heeee! XD

So here's my Christmas 2010 Wish List (ambitious edition):

1. Iphone 4

I never owned an Iphone. My 3yo Nokia N73 has been acting up lately, so I guess it's about time to get a new phone. And I think the new Iphone is perfect! XD If you can give me this, there's no need for you to read the rest of this post. XD

2. A DSLR (with a good lens)

Again, I never owned one. I was planning to buy a Nikon dslr last year, but, errr, gaaaah...

3. PS3 slim

If you are nice enough, you may also include Naruto Shippuuden Ultimate Ninja Storm2.

4. A 3D2N vacation package in Coron, Palawan, for 6

That's for me and my family.  A trip outside the country is also perfect (just don't send me to Iraq).

5. A job I really like

I know nobody can really give me this, unless you're a boss in some big company (let's talk). So just choose any of the aforementioned wishes.

How about you? What do you want for Christmas? XD

Break



Still sad.  Pfft.  This is the n'th time I said the first sentence.  Soooo redundant.  I wanted to write about something happy but I just don't have any good news to share.  My mojo has lost its power, everything's fucked up, and I can't fucking swallow it.  I know everyone has his own share of dilemmas, so I am not complaining.  Errr.... I better stop now before this post turns into another boorish-emoish-blahness.

I'll be back when I have better things to say.

Blah for now.

Starting Over

Malungkot ako. It's not depression, mind. All those emoish-litany-blahs I wrote in the past were about how depressed I was with all the blah blah blah and whatnot. I was always complaining. After making a quick study of my life (again) by listing down 1.) all the things and goals that I met successfully; 2.) things that I wanted to do but never did; and 3.) things that I was successfull in failing, I realized that what I was experiencing before was more of dissatisfaction than depression. Yes, I was dissatisfied. Not depressed. A good friend taught me this self-analysis-ek-ek along time ago. It works! I wanted to be successful but I never really had the will to work for it. Parang si Juan tamad lang. Gusto ng bayabas pero tamad umakyat sa puno kaya't humilata nalang at nag-abang sa pagbagsak nito. Ugaling tamad. Aminado ako. One thing I realized from this is that I don't have the right to expect things that I am not willing to work for; such as success. Wala rin akong karapatang magreklamo sakaling mabigo ang expectations ko kung wala naman akong ginawang paraan para makamit yon.  Dapat kong gayahin si Naruto (kung di mo kilala si Naruto hindi mo maiintindihan ang sinasabi ko). Malungkot lang ako kasi ang hirap bumangon mula sa pagkakadapa. Ayan, tag-lish na.

I went to a job interview yesterday. There were only 3 interviews, but the overall process was very tedious - as in. I was hired by three different companies last year (at may experience pa ako bago yan... oo, di ako mapakali kakaresign) and that's where majority of the questions during the interviews revolved. Bakit ka nag-apply sa kanila, anong trabaho mo doon, bakit ka nagresign, anong ayaw mo, bakit ka nag-apply sa kanila, anong trabaho mo doon, bakit ka nagresign, anong ayaw mo... parang kanta, repeat till fade....paulit-ulit, nakakaasar, nakakarindi. Eto ang hirap kapag call center hopper ka. Parang lahat ng aaplayan mo wala ng tiwala sayo. Umabot ako sa final interview. I was told I passed, but no job offer was made. Tatawagan daw ako next week for the next step. The line of business where, "they said", I will be assigned has two departments. Ipo-profile lang daw ako kung saang dept ako bagay. I was assured that I passed the final interview, but the fact that I was not offered a job outright worries me. Bakit kelangan pa maghintay? Tatawagan - errr, that's the usual regret speil. I just hope they don't give false hopes to their applicants.  May istorya to eh.  Dapat Nung July pa ako nagstart dito sa kumpanyang to - lintik nagresign daw yung hr specialist na may hawak ng profile ko.  Nangyari:  profile missing.  Nagstart na yung batch ko ng hindi ako tinatawagan.  Ang problema wala pa akong pinipirmahang job offer noon.  Hindi ko kasalanan.  Ayoko na ring manisi (mabait ako kasi ako ang may kailangan sa kanila).   Basta, I'll wait for their call next week. I will. Patience is a virtue. Umaasa ako na tatawagan nga nila ako. I did my best in the interview, so hindi siguro masama na mag-expect ako ng tagumpay.

I was asked, during the final interview; Where do you see yourself 5 years from now? That effing question again - pfft. I wanted to answer, "Hopefully not having to go through another interview like this with another company - gusto ko na dito sa kumpanya nyo, tanggapin nyo ako please!!!", but of course I didn't. I don't want to sound too desperate. I'm really dead-set about staying longer in my next job. I made the wrong decision when I resigned from etch es bee sea (oo - yung hongkong shanghai bangkok china, hahaha). It was the best company I worked for, pero naging sakitin ako noong panahon na yon so I chose to resign and stay at home, and recuperate (na psychosomatic lang talaga, bunga ng katamaran). I know I know I know... there's no use crying over spilled milk. I promised myself that I will stay longer in my next job, that's why I'm carefully choosing the companies I am applying at. Sana may maniwala naman.

Sana may dumating na good news next week para party-party na. XD