Thursday, September 23, 2010

Bukas, Luluhod ang mga Tala (Tomorrow, the Stars will kneel)

The Starry Night  by Vincent Van Gogh
(Painted while inside an asylum in France)

Yes, I am back from the temporary gap in my web presence. Hmmmkei. What am I supposed to write now? Taena. Finally, I decided to take the half-empty (or half-full) bottle of The Bar Vodka decaying inside the fridge. It's apple-flavored but it doesn't taste a bit like green apple now. Err, what do I expect, It has been sitting inside the fridge for more than 2 months for chrisake! It's probably expired now, you know, being opened more than 2 months ago, but heck, I am jobless, thus cannot afford to buy myself even just a bottle of san miguel beer, so I am not complaining. Ah-huh... It's all I've got now.  

Ok ok ok, I confess, it doesn't taste bad.  The green apple flavor is still there, as good as it was when I opened it months ago.  Vodka doesn't go bad.

Hmmm... So, what else do I have here. Vodka on the rocks, a nice cd of bosa nova muzak playing, cool weather, and a semi-fast internet connection. You see, I have everything i need to write about something, anything, in a jiffy, but my hands just keep on typing sentences that don't really hold any sense. Feel free to hop somesite else so as not to waste your time. Pfft.  I shouldn't even bother telling you that. If you don't like what you're reading now, go, fuck off, I don't care.  This is my dot com.  Bite me. Pfft.


I am sad. I didn't want to admit it, but I do now. Oh em gee, I am sooooo fucking useless!!! Oooopss. Let me retype that. I AM SOOOO FUCKING USELESS. There, well typed. Really, I feel so fucking useless! Wait, why do I keep on stressing and repeating the obvious?! That is sooo being redundant. I've got no job, no money, no life but the useless one, and, err what else? No love life too! Fuck that. But hey, I am not really looking for love life.  I thought I was.  But not now.  My life at present is too small and too scruffy for me to let anyone be part of it and suffer. I am not that selfish. I am not that selfish. I'm not.

An inspiration will do.  For now.

I failed a job interview in Alabang last week. Hooray, I failed the final interview, and I feel I got cheated!!! I feel I got cheated because I know I am more than qualified for the post. I've been in the same industry since 2006, I'm well equipped with all the necessary skills needed in the job and I did very good in the interview (I believe). Yet, I failed. Sucks. I don't know exactly what their reason was, but I have 2 theories - either the final interviewer didn't like the fact that I had been with 3 different companies last year (2 of which I resigned before the 6th month) or the final interviewer thought I was trying to outsmart him by giving clever answers and providing too much information than what was being asked. I forgot that I was just a mere mortal in front of a pseudoGod in that company, and trying to impress the gods too much by performing beyond the normal clusterfuck human being's capability may put me into trouble.  Greek gods get jealous too, you know. They had me waiting for 2 weeks to be scheduled for the final interview, only to be rejected in the end. Screw them!  I am going to Global city next week.

Or maybe, just maybe, the final interviewer didn't like me because I was wearing denim jeans and soiled sneakers during the final interview. @_@

I'm over quarter-of-a-century old now, and I admit being in my late twenties kinda scares me. Everything will be a tougher climb when I'm over 30, and I don't want to reach the point when I am too old to climb over a fence and reach a greener pasture. My life is out of sync with my friends', I know, and I am not happy about it.  But I want to turn it into something positive.  I have a friend who is now a Lawyer; I have friends who are now nurses and doctors and dentists, some working overseas and earning dollars; I have friends who are now teaching in schools and universities; I have friends who are now engineers; and I have friends who are now team leaders and managers in call centers. And just earlier I learned that a friend, who started college 8 yrs ago, is finally graduating;  Creative Writing, Cum Laude, in UP Diliman.  Me? Undergrad.  Jobless.  Loveless.  Penniless.

But I have goals now.

I know what my mistakes in life were, and I've learned from each of them. I have goals now! Listen. I am NOT asking anyone to support me, neither expecting you to believe that I am serious with my goals this time. I only have one request - try not to discourage me and try not to act like what you're hearing and reading is just a deja vu of another upcoming failure. I used to joke before that when you're at the bottom, there's no other way to go but sideways. I refuse to believe that now.

I may not reach my exact goals, but one thing is sure - I am going up.

You can kneel before me when that time comes. I'm gonna leave it up to you if you want to deal with it figuratively or literally.

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