LONGING

Treat me like a goddamn shit

or

treat me well...

I don't care

I just need a bit

of

your

attention

.

.

.

WHEN DOING NOTHING BECOMES A JOB

Whoa!

It's rest day alas! Yeabah!!! XD Shit. A week of doing nothing but pronouncing words...focusing on the soft and hard /th/ sound, and the sort of, and studying a few of product information, give me nothing but shits for molds in my brain to feed on. I sometimes find it boring (rate of 6 out of 10), but I must admit I enjoy being in training. And hey, I'm getting paid! I was born lazy. And I get tired easily. And I am depressed most of the time. That's the problem when you are lazy and when you've got nothing better to do: you tend to lose your focus and you start neglecting the good things around you. But am I really missing a lot? Ah-ah. I don't think so.

My trainer asked me to write a letter, and explain my two days of absences the other week. I wrote it in a jiffy. I came up with a two-paged-non-sense explanation and it only took me less than 15 minutes to scribble everything. It could have been faster if I had my laptop with me and typed it in Microsoft Word instead of writing it on a paper. I got sick. Literally. I know I used to make-up stories of me having gastroenteritis, hypertension, ulcer, etc... to my previous employer. But my sickness last week is real. Unscheduled. Not planned (I know people who can schedule sickness as desired depending on the need. Tee hee. XD) I know how crucial attendance is in our line of work, especially at present time, considering the fact that I'm still in training. Absenting myself is the last thing I'd do (well, not now. maybe when we hit the floor...huwahahaha! XD just kidding. My trainers might get to read this, hehe.). And why would I choose to be absent when I'm geting paid by doing nothing??? I have had fever since Tuesday of last week, but I opted to report to work on Tuesday and Wednesday nights depsite my condition, hoping that I'd feel better the following day. Unfortunately my fever went up and reached its peak on Thursday. And that was it...I really needed rest. I hate writing, literally. So writing that excuse letter was really a drag. I remember when I was in highschool, all my notebooks were almost always empty. The only time my notebooks get something on them is when and during end of every school quarter. That's when teachers check the students' notebooks. But I never failed a subject, ok, just in case you are wondering. I had always been part of the honor section when I was in elementary and highschool but serious studying was never my forte. I'd rather play with my friends outside than study when I'm home. Had my parents forced me to study real hard, malamang may honor ako nung highschool. Naks. Ang yabang. Haha. I'm not even impressed with most of my classmates in highschool (ang yabang talaga, XD). Intellectually, I can honestly say I am far better than most of them. But of course it is always easy to sound and make yourself appear intellectual, hahaha. Pa-intellectual kahit hindi naman intellectual, kumbaga. Marami dyan. Kagaya ko. Teee heee heee! XD

First two weeks of training is done. And to be honest, I just want to be in training forever. Who wouldn't enjoy it: you're getting paid thousands of cash for doing nothing. You just need to stay awake, sit, read, study a bit of process information and bum inside the training room. And then dyaran! You have cash to withdraw from your atm card on the 30th. Easy money, it is. Unlimited coffee is available in every corner of every floor in the building, allowing us to guaff the necessary caffeine we need to stay awake. But happy days have ending. So after another month and some days, real job begins. Arrgghh.

Admit or not, we all like feeling superior in some ways... be it in school, in the office, in the Network Diner, or even in small conversations with our colleagues and friends. We sometimes get this feeling of hey-you've-got-to-listen-to-my-great-idea-blah-blah-shit-blah. Even in videoke bars (oh god, i miss my CVG friends)...wether you admit it or not, you sometimes (if not most of the time) want to keep the microphone in your hand and kick the competitors out the videoke boothe. Come on, admit it! Call it arrogance, but usually when I'm with a new group of people, let's say in school, or on the first day of work in a call center, I usually assume that I am the best, the most dead-set, the most well-informed, and the fastest to learn. O sya sya sya, mayabang na kung sa mayabang. But that is how I best adapt to my new surrounding. Hindi ko rin naman pinagsasabi, I only keep it to myself, so hindi mo rin pwedeng sabihin na mayabang talaga ako. Humility is beauty! - as Serg and Chris always say. Haha. I always start strong in everything I do. But most of the time it's only in the beginning. As days go by, I start fucking things up. I'm hoping not to do the same in my new job. Haaaay. We had an assessment earlier, technically it was yesterday's shift. I was quite disappointed because my trainer only gave me a grade point of 2; 1 being the highest and 5 the lowest. 1 means it's a flawless call. 2 is excellent. 3 means so-so. 4 is fail. And 5 means you-go-home-and-cry-and-apply-somewhere-else. I did good in the assessment, i know, and my trainer confirmed that. She said my call was great. But she didn't give me a perfect score because I kept on addressing her, the mock customer, by the first name. She said I should've used the callers last name and made the conversation more formal. And yeah, I agree to that. I forgot I'm with an international bank now and not some lousy telcom company in the US.

My trainer asked me during the assessment. If I were to write a book, what would I title it, and why. Oh my, not again...I told myself. I'm really tired of being asked stupid questions like that. I have had enough of that shit during the application process. But there's really not much I can do. She's the trainer, and I'm the trainee. Comply comply comply, or just resign and jack-off. Geez. I said I'd title it Yffar's World, then she frowned and gave me a "what-a-crappy-title-you-have" look. Harhar. Nah, I really didn't care. I told her my book would be a compilation of my blog entries. It would be a personal but not-so-personal book about anything that I think is worth writing about.

I like my new company, and my colleagues. And my trainers are good. They're all nice, so far. I try to be friendly as much as I can. But you really cannot please everyone. And I don't want to exert extra effort neither. I don't talk to people who don't talk to me. Yeah... snob the snobs!

Oh god, we need to be in business attire on Monday. Big boss is coming. Arrgghh.

Enough blathering. I'm going to bed.

The Swine Flew (Lumipad ang baboy)

Galing dito ang larawan

achooooo....
(and more cough and sneeze)

I have had fever since Tuesday night and it was only today that I finally felt a-bit-ok. Fever is gone but I still have mild cough. Only thing that I am concerned about is my attendance at work. I'm new in the company but because of my unscheduled sickness (i know someone who can schedule sickness as desired, wuhahaha) I had to absent myself from work and miss two days of training. Now I don't know what's going to happen next. I did went to work Tuesday and Wednesday night though I have fever. This is funny, two of my colleagues were avoiding me because they know I have fever. Mga takot sa h1n1, haha. But I really cannot blame them if they keep distance from me. They have babies, and i know how senssitive babies are even to ordinary viruses. So yea, I never really felt bad when Katrabaho no.1 said. "oy, lumayo ka kay raf, baka makakuha ka ng virus kawawa baby mo..." at sabay ditansya naman ni Katrabaho no.2. Hindi rin sya nakatiis at lumipat din sya sa kabilang bench malayo sa akin after 2 minutes. Di naman ako ganun ka insensitive so ako narin mismo ang umalis sa grupo. Hmmp. Di ako galit, nagtatampo lang. Haha.

I try to say goodbye and I choke

Try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near

wala lang, tamang LSS lang.

Arrgghh...

So what happened to swine flu now? Ayun, a(H1N1) na sya. As of July 06, our country has 1709 reported h1n1 cases according to WHO report. Hindi pa dyan kasama yung mga taong ayaw umamin na may h1n1 sila (hindi ako kasama don, ok.)

Belle sent me a message yesterday askin me if I got the virus. "Oi, ano na may ets wan en wan ka na rin ba?" Waaah...Kung may h1n1 ako, hindi ko rin naman aamnin. Baket kamo?

• Una, kung meron man akong virus, magiging responsible carrier ako. (magtatakip ako ng bibig pag mag-aachoo para di kumalat ang virus sa aking paligid) :)
• Ikalawa, kung h1n1 man nga ang taglay kong lagnat, hindi ako natatakot dahil kinokonsider ko lang sya na weak and mild disease.

Yup!

Only one died out of more than one thousand cases here in the Philippines. And the casualty wasn't even due to h1n1 virus. I heard it was some cardiovascular-whatever-issue that killed the old lady infected with h1n1 virus. You see...there's really no reason to act paranoid about swine flu. Mas magpanik kayo kung matuto ngang lumipad ang mga baboy. In fact there's a greater chance of winning (parang raffle lang, bwahaha), este, of dying from dengue, malaria, and pneumonia than dying from h1n1. Any relatively healthy and normal adult can easily fight off the virus. The only ones at higher risk of dying from the virus are the kids (12yo and below ata) and the olders.

But just to be safe, at para narin hindi nyo sabihin na wala akong pakialam sa kalagayang pangkalusugan ng sambayanang Pilipino, I want to share this shit (o bahala ka kung ano man ang gusto mong itawag dito) i found from some website to everyone. This is an online "H1N1 Flu Booklet" prepared by the United Nations for its staff all over the world. O ha! San ka pa?! Just click on the link to know more about it. And how did I find this usefull piece of shit? Wala lang, napadaan lang ako sa website, at tsaka pramis, hindi ako kinabahan nung nagkalagnat ako. Hindi talaga! Pramis! Krosmayhart mamatay man kapitbahay naming kalbo.

I don't normally write in Filipino, pero mas masarap talaga magsulat sa Filipino. There really are a lot of thoughts funnier when said or written in our own language eh. There are just some hilarious Filipino phrases that will never catch the same attention when translated in English. Problema na ng mga dayuhan kong mambabasa kung hindi man nila alam ang sinasabi ko sa marami sa mga pangungusap dito.

Tinanggal ko na yung Followers Option ko sa gilid ng blog ko. Wala rin naman kasing gustong magfollow talaga eh, hahaha. How pathetic! :)) I know a few people who read my blog regularly, pero believe me guys, mas maaapreciate ko yung pagdalaw nyo sa site ko kung maglalagay man lang kayo ng kahit na anong komento on every post. Wag lang basa ng basa! Mag comment din naman para alam ko kung objectionable ba or entertaining or walang kwenta yung nilagay ko. Ooppss, speaking of comments, it only applies to posts like this ha. I mean, comment only to my not-so-personal-posts. May mga biglaang-posts kasi ako tungkol sa pribado kong buhay pag-ibig na bigla ko na lang naititipa pag lasing or bored o malungkot o napapraning ako. In posts like those, i prefer not to get any comment.

O sya. Matutulog na ako bago pa ulit dumalaw ang lagnat. May pasok na bukas. Huwag sana akong ilipat sa susunod na wave because of my absences. Pls pls pls...

HEART OF THE MATTER -Eagles

Speaking in Paradox

Got drunk last night, got home past 4am, and now I am feeling depressed again. Jeez...

Will I ever learn???

I hate you, but I love you. Arrgghh... I'm speaking in paradox now. No, I hate you. But I really love you. Just leave me alone...please.

[Insert Blog Title Here] - Dang, I'm too lazy to think of a good title.

Oh my... This is the third time Tobey asked me to go hiking with them. Waaahhh... Sorry Tobey. X( I really wanted to go but because of my limited financial resources and my new schedule at work on Monday, I had to say "pass" again on her invite. Arrgghh...

*pic grabbed from Tobey's wordgasm.com

They went to Mt. Arayat last week and now they're planning to go again to another large landform this weekend. Waaaah.... I'm fuckin-dying-to-join them. X(

I'm going to have my new schedule at work on Monday. Yeahbah! XD Yep, finally, after several months of bumming around and wasting a hundred thousand of cash, I am back in the call center whoring business. Pffft. Time to be serious now. This time I will make sure I'd be saving money so I can go back to school next year. My classmates who copied on me during exams are now engineers working in big companies. Waaaa....Those gadammadapakers! They don't deserve it!!! They're all nothing but intellectually challenged and mentally deranged creatures pretending to be good in mechanics and thermodynamics!!! Yes, they're all retards and douchebags and they all deserve to die!!! (haha... It's just me being bitter.XD) It's not really their fault I was left behind. It was my choice - one of the stupidest and idiotically pointless things I did in my life. And so, I want to go back to school again. I need to catch up and make something useful out of my existence. And believe me, I am dead-serious now [insert dead-serious stare here]. Mapua, I'm going back soon!!!

Well, nothing's new about me aside from having a new job (smile). I'm still the same tedious and 50%-self-esteemed-guy-slash-emo-kid who keeps on fucking things up. I don't know, but most that I do ends up a disaster. My intentions are good but then I always fuck things up in the end. Was it really me to blame, or am I just born unlucky? Ohmygoodness!

It has been a while since I last went to church. And when I say "a while" that means a very looooong time. Maybe last year was the last [insert act of sign of the cross here]. I can say I am going thru this so-called spiritual dryness. Hmmmm...and now you ask me what the fuckin heluva shit is that? At present time I honestly don't know what to believe. I'm somewhere in the middle, or let's say I'm currently in the grey area; not in black nor white. Does that makes sense? Pfft...

At present time I see my life as a flat line with no options. Ooppss, sorry, I do have now. Remember, remember, remember, I'm gonna finish my mechanical engineering degree and earn big money and everything else will follow! Teee heee XD. That's the only option I'm willing to take for now. I'm really tired of my life but I have no other choice but to live. Well, I say I have no other choice because there are still people who wants me alive; like my family, my boss at work, my friends, my two lovely dogs, and the parasites living in every cell of my nutrient-rich body. I'm no longer happy living my life but I have embraced the fact that people around me wants me breathing (so they have a medium for comparison on how lucky and capable they are compared to me... geez) and I have made that my sole purpose of living. What a drag! Had my parents left me on the street after I was born, I probably had killed myself the moment my rational mind was developed.

AFTERWORD:
I am making these commitments to everyone who gets to read this post.

1. I will not kill myself.
2. I will finish my degree and top the Mechanical Engineering Board Exam! And...
3. I will determine whether I belong to black or white; spirituality wise, ok.
4. I will be happy! (my gawd, how can I forget. Include being happy to the 3 original commitments above.) XD

Taddaah! I swear these to you and to all your maddahpaking gods!

Well, I know my Lord will help me. XD Teee heee! XD

Total Eclipse of the Heart: Literal Video Version

Source: Click HERE

Harhar! XD This subbed video makes more sense than the original one! Real funny! XD Teee heee!!!

I need more of this shit! XD Funny funny funny! XD