Christmas won't be as much as fun as last year on two counts. One, I'm unable to find a job I really like (like, not need), and two, I have no money to buy gifts. I'm hoarding what's left of my little dough and I'm trying not to waste it so I'm spending a lot of my time at home. The only time I went out to have fun was last Thursday. It was Serg's birthday and booze was free - thank Gawd, alcohol! In the local news, both cases against Hayden Kho and Hubert Webb were dismissed. Well, I don't care much about Halili, but I feel sorry for Mr. Vizconde because I really think Webb is the culprit. (It's obvious that I'm telling about the local news for the lack of better things to say). Pfft... oh well, I don't really give a flying fuck about Kho and Webb. Really.
I feel soooo sad that it's Christmas and I'm broke. Pfft. Paano na ang pamilya, mga kaibigan, at mga inaanak ko? Call me materialistic, but you'd know that I love you, or care about you, if I spend money on you. Please don't lecture me about different ways of showing love other than giving gifts. I know and I recognize them all. It's just that, with me showing love to others, giving gifts is the easiest. Besides, money is something that I don't have lots of, so I really value it. Words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, and acts of service are the other love languages that I appreciate and recognize. It's me expressing these love languages to others that I'm having trouble with. I'm really sad (and I'm saying this again, I know) but this isn't depression - though I've called this as such countless times before. What I used to know as depression is really dissatisfaction, and you may call this a case of paradigm shift. Wanting what I don't have (moolah) and taking the things I have for granted, just like what many other people do to make their already complicated lives more complicated - is nothing but dissatisfaction. For me, it's the root of all sadness. It's funny that I'm aware of this, yet here I am whining about being broke and sad and blah blah shit blah. Hmmkei, I really shouldn't be sad, because I'm lucky I have a home and family! Many people don't have both.
Oh...love? What is it? Pfft.
Well, sorry dear bloggy, your parent is a bore. When you're not able to go out and record, things don't happen that much. I just felt I needed to write something here so you'd know I'm alive.
Not much to blather about today, so I'll just post my new paintings (or stained cloth, if you prefer calling it that way) I made last week.
|Acrylic on 20 x 14 inch canvas|