Don't Cha Try To Define Me Own Life

Pfffft...

Yeah. I was really feeling bad a few moments ago. My day did not end well. I've gone thru a bit of argument with a friend. I'm ok now. Better. I believe I am nice, but sometimes I can't help myself but be bitchy especially when people try to define my own life... stuff like, "you have a lot of unresolved issues in your life" or "i know you better than you know yourself" and the sort of. Arrgghh... I hate it. I appreciate the comments and the criticisms, but would appreciate it more had they done it in a more positive and uplifting way. And I hate being compared to other people! Tell me my bad sides but never compare me to anyone...please oh please! I know harsh words really drill deeper in heads, but those words will not do me any good at present time - cos I don't feel like entertaining any flying fucking comments about my life right now. Yeah... Just for now, give me the right to refuse to listen. Let me take care of me own life.

Nuff of sad news.

Dyaran!

Good news... It's my mom's birthday! :-) Yeahey!!! And today is her 51'st birthday (10 years ago, LOL). Naku baka magalit si mommy pinagkalat ko pa dito edad nya, harhar.

I'm just sad about the fact that it's her birthday and I am broke. I have not gotten my first salary yet. Sucks. Ooppss... by the way... I already accepted another job offer. And as their Mantra says, they're "The Best Place to Bank" and "The Best Place to Work." Hmmmm....Ok, enough teasing. I'm with HSBC now. Teee heee!

I don't know what they plan to do today. Maybe we'll just have a special dinner outside, I dunno. I'm the one who usually suggests stuff like this when something needs to be celebrated. But I have nothing to spend so I am reserving them, my siblings, the privilege to decide on what to do for my mother's birthday. I am excited. :-) Weeee...

Welll, I'm still in the process of getting myself together. At the rate I am doing, I'm sure it would take me a lot of time to recover. But I am trying to take small steps each day. A gradual process for self-recovery. I can say I am ok right now, but not really good. A big part is still missing. Pffft...

But hey, it's mom's Bday! Better forget about all those blues for now! Yeahah!!!

5 Things You Should Do To....

This is the first time I am making a list about random things. I thought it is better to make my first one based on my friend's (not my own) experience.

So here it goes.

5 things you should do to get the man/woman you swoon over

1. Do not act desperate. Magpakipot ng konti.
2. Do not force yourself on him/her. Wag rin bibigay agad pag sya ang lumapit.
3. Be very giving even if you have little. Kung isa na lang ang Fita biscuit, ibigay mo na ng buo at huwag ng hatiin.
4. You must respect him/her, and have self-respect too. Implicated to sa rule number 2. I-respeto mo rin sya kung ayaw pa nya mag pa[toooot]... babalik rin sya balang-araw pag di na sya makapagpigil.
5. And be good in bed. Ito ang pinakaimportante pag ready nya syang makipag[toooot].

Follow these rules and you will sure get the man/woman you truly love (or you desire).

SDATNY (Fiction / Short-Short Story)

In the few minutes that divide afternoon and night, Ronie found himself staring at the window of his condo in Bakersfield. Excited. He’s going to get married. “Finally.” he said himself. After fixing himself, he picked up his luggage which he had prepared the other night and took another glance out the window before leaving.

He took a cab to get to the airport. Memories were flashing back, ”Same date and time next year". That was the promise they exchanged each other. The old lovers are going to see each other again to get married. He is so sure. The feeling is undeniably strong. He’s very certain of what he wants to do. And he knows that it’s what his most beloved woman wants too. He believes that the fire is still there. He loves her. He does. He believes.

Things between Ronie and his object of affection happened in a flash. They were once strangers who met unexpectedly during their stay in Puerto Galera. Both were vacationing alone, doing random soul-searching. Both were engaged to someone else and were about to get married in two weeks. And they both fell in love with each other, unexpectedly.

Everything between them happened out of the blue. But for them it is an affair worth keeping forever. A week of love affair it is, yes. But for them it is a relationship that would defeat that of a thousand years. They are madly in love. What happened between them on day one, when they were both drunk, developed into something more mature. All were good and they were happy until the day it was time to leave the island.

After packing their things, they had their last walk…the last talk…on the beach. They walk holding each other's hand without saying anything. Neither one of them wants to break the silence. No one wants to say goodbye. It was time to board the boat when the woman asked, “What happens next?”. Her eyes were clouding with tears but Ronie says nothing. She barely looked up from the sand because she knows she’ll cry in any moment. They climbed the boat without uttering any word.

They were getting near the port. She already asked him but didn’t get an answer. At that very point, she knows that silence doesn’t always mean yes. His expression remained neutral while looking at the port where the Lover’s boat will soon halt. She hugged him. He remained still. He knows that everything between them is wrong, even from the beginning. But inside he is screaming because he believes – no, he knows – that she is the one for him. The relationship he has with his soon-to-be-wife passed out of existence. He loves her new woman. Yes, he does. And just in time when the boat reached the port, he hugged her back and they kissed for minutes. Untill it was time to leave. He then told her…”Let’s meet again, same date and time next year in the White Beach. On the same spot where we first met. If we are still free, same date and time next year, then that means we are meant to be together. Let’s get married by then!” She cried a big “Yes!” They hugged and kissed for the last time.

Now, Ronie is on his way to the same place... keeping his word. He reached the airport and waited an hour and a half before learning that his United Airlines Flight is cancelled. An engine has to be replaced. He will miss his connecting flight to Tokyo, and so his arrival in Manila would have to wait for a night. UAL will have the passengers booked in a Hotel while the plane’s engine is replaced. Nothing is worst than missing a flight when you know someone is waiting for you on the other side of the world. Ronie can't wait to get hold of her love. There’s not much he can do though, but wait. Three days. Three days before their agreed date. Three days before their anniversary. And he can’t wait to see her again.

Without any other choice, Ronie sat on the bus that UAL provided, and waited for the other stranded and frustrated passengers get inside. Fifteen minutes passed, and a very beautiful woman sat beside him. Each gave their most wonderful smile. Ronie started the conversation. They started with hi-hello. Casual talk began and it went very smooth. ROnie feels it again... something he never expected to happen. The bus drove down Alexander Boulevard and stopped at the Mountainback at Mammoth Hotel, where the passengers will spend the rest of the night. Their conversation was interrupted when the UAL employee announced- “We’re here.” Passengers were guided into the Hotel and were given room assignments. Ronie looked at the wonderful woman he has been conversing with and smiled. Both know what each other is thinking. They both looked at the Hotel employee... and Ronie said, "We’ll stay in one room".

At that moment, Ronie believes – no, he knows – that he has just met the one for him.

End

Copyright © 2009, Yffar Edlacer, All rights reserved

*Original Image taken from HERE

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, TATAY!

Gustong-gusto ko 'tong kantang 'to. Isa 'to sa mga awitin na sana ako na lang ang nakaimbento.
Happy Father's Day to all your Dads. Tell them how much you love them, while you still can.

THANK YOU FOR CALLING...

"Thank you for calling [***bleep] broadband tech support, my name is [insert name here] with tech Id number blah-blah, how may I help you?"

Arrgghh... I am tired... of not working. I need to go out! Yes! I fuckin need a job and start flexing these muscles, or fingers. Well, guess what, I'll be back in the call center. Dyaran! Pffft....

Did a couple of job interviews, already have a couple of job offers too... well, I keep on searching for the one that offers the "best" salary but I just can't seem to find a company that provides the same salary my previous employer was giving me. Arrrgghh... I am tired of going through all those shitty interviews and answering those English proficiency exam-whatever (Oh my Gawd, I already had enough of that shit when I was in School!) and answering questions like "why do you want to work for our company" and hypothetical questions like "how will you describe the color blue to a blind", and other sort of stupid questions... I'm tired of getting in line and waiting for my turn for the job offer only to be dismayed with what they have in the cards for me. Gee....

The Philippines, I must say, is one of the most versatile and capable nation to be trained in the call center industry for American companies. Given that we've been colonized for a few-couple of years by the Americans, and the always-present-English Subjects in Schools, and our media and entertainment being bemused by the western, most of the locals here can at least understand, if not speak, English. And yes, Philippines is one of the best versatile countries in Asia who can perfectly mimic a neutral American accent. And another thing: we are the cheapest to exploit among all other countries in Asia. Sad but true.

Call center is continuously growing in the Philippines. Thousands of jobs are being offered in call centers but the effects of global economic crisis still managed to hit the call center industry even just a bit. Call centers here are continuously hiring but they don't offer the same salary that they used to. Let me just mention this company in Alabang that starts with Gen and ends with pact (Just put it together, ok). I went to their recruitment office a week and some days ago to apply. There were three applicants before me, all girls. The lady on the reception was busy talking some shit on the phone, totally ignoring the presence of the 3 other applicants before me. Good 10 mins passed and the receptionist was still chit-chatting on the phone. Arrgghh... As much as I don't want to intrude and interrupt her blathering on the phone I politely said, "Ahmm...Excuse me miss, I'm sorry for my intrusion but we've been here, standing for quite sometime now, but nobody seems to notice us. We're applicants, if you don't know. Are you going to take are resumes or what???" The lady gave me the oopss-I'm-sorry-I-didn't-notice-you look, and put the phone down but did not hung up. She asked if anybody from us have call center experience. I said I do. She asked me how long, and I answered her. She said, with her sweet American accent, "Sorry sir, but at present time we only accept applicants who don't have call center experience, but you can still leave your resume and we'll contact you in case we have an available position for you."

WHY??? What the fuck is going on??? Can you repeat that, once again, one more time, again and again pleeeaaassee???!!!

Well, for obvious reason, that company only accepts inexperienced applicants to save money. They don't want to pay extra dollars for one's experience since they can just easily get some newbies without accent, train them for a couple of weeks and give them a salary way-way lower that what they usually provide experienced call center peeps.

Arrrggghhh... Is this the end of the world for me?

Now I am feeling sorry about leaving my previous company. But hey, there's no use crying over spilled milk. I remember ranting about that company in Ortigas in my previous post. Well, as much as I hate... I might have no other choice but to accept the offer. I need a good company but I'm really tired of going through all those job interviews... the worst part is that you wouldn't know exactly how much they'll offer you till you get to the actual job offer. My American friend said employers in the US tell their applicants upfront how much they'd be getting as a salary even before they start the initial interview. I wish employers here follow the same process.

For some reason I want to work in Ortigas. Maybe get an apartment again. The account that I'll be working for, if I take their offer, is an Australian Broadband Internet Provider, I checked their company online and was surprised they're the leading telcom and internet provider in Australia. Sounds like a big company, but I don't know how they compare with other accounts, compensation wise. And I'll be part of Wave1, so chances for promotion is bigger. But I really don't give a shit about what they can offer me in the future, promotion, salary increase, etc. We don't know it might be the end of the world next month, so what I really want to consider is what they can offer me TODAY. Another good thing that I like about this job is that it's an Australian account...so the earliest possible shift at work would be 6am...and yeah...I'm tired of (over)working at night, so working during the day and getting a normal life, geting a normal sleep during the normal night time, and waking up during the normal day time and doing the normal things at normal hours of the day is a big BIG plus. Not to mention that Australians are easier to deal with than Americans (mas mabait kesa mga kano) - well, that is just according to a friend who works for an Australian account now.

Wow, I checked my email while I was writing this and saw this on Yahoo News, Forbes: Pacquiao world's 6th highest-paid athlete. In the past 12 months Pacquiao earned something close to $40 million USD, making him the highest-ranking among the four newcomers to the list. Holy phaking shite! That's a lot of money!!! Just click on the link to learn more about it. Speaking of money, yeah... I need money. I need to fly to the US of A! And so I badly need a job. I need MONEY!!!

Arrrggghh... But I'm happy! Harhar. XD

FOR ONE MORE DAY - A Review

Title: For One More Day
Author: Mitch Albom (Author of Tuesdays with Morrie)

"If you had the chance, just once chance, to go back and fix what you did wrong in life, would you take it? And if you did, would you be big enough to stand it?...."
- James McBride, author of The Color of Water

For One More Day is a very good story about family - mistakes, love, and forgiveness. It's a short, yet very inspirational story that will make you cry at some point (yeah, I did). A good read for people who are losing hope, and faith, and self-love.

Warning: The book is kind of overly-sentimental in most part of the story, so this is not for people who hate dramas and the usual tearjerky stories shown in MMK.

The story is about a man, a former Baseball Star named Chick Benetto, who had a chance to spend one more day with his mother, who died 8 years earlier. The plot of the story moves back and forth between Chick's childhood memories and the current actions happening between Chick and his dead mother's ghost (so yeah, you can also call this a ghost story). Chick's beautiful and happy family-life started to fall apart when his mother died. And that's when his dilemma in life started.

Just like other people who go through too much rain in life, Chick started to hate and ruin his life 'till he reached his saturation limit - getting to the point of trying to take away his own life. When Chick tries to commit suicide, he found himself in a world with its own time in-between life and death, where he had the chance to see, talk, and spend another day with his mother, who even after her death, did not fail to show his son, and make him feel, the eternal power of a mother's love.

I recommend this book to anyone looking for a quick and inspirational read. A great story of redemption and making peace with one's past and mistakes. And I think that's what makes this book extra special.

Just to share: I remember talking to a friend before. I told him I am moving on and will forget all that had hurt me in the past. He said, "No...you musn't forget them...they should always exist." He continued, "You don't even need to act like they don't exist because they do... and they're the reason why you are moving on... a GOOD REASON... a lesson that YOU WILL NEVER FORGET." It's one of his ways of turning negative things into positive (Thanks Jaime). And I must admit I like what he said. For One More Day teaches the same lesson - make peace with your past, forgive yourself, move on, and start over.

Waaaahh....this is just too much of a drama. XD Harharhar.

AFTERWORD:
It's a heartbreakingly-wonderful and uplifting story that will give you the desire to cherish and love whatever you have around you and whoever you have in your life right now - that's how the story serves its purpose. So yeah, go and hug your mom, or whoever it is that you want to hug.

Hugs to everyone. Especially, to YOU!

REMEMBERING DAD

Death The permanent termination of the biological
functions that define a living organism

.
Death is as natural as life...they exist together; life followed by death. It is expected that when life begins, death will follow sooner or later. It happens on everything. And it will happen to everyone. Meron psychologist student dati, nabasa ko sa newspaper, he killed himself because he can't see his reason for living, something that almost happened to me, yun lang, masyado syang nadaig ng psychological-whatever nya, nabaliw na siguro siya ng tuluyan kakaisip kung bakit nga ba kailangan pang mabuhay kung mamamatay rin naman.

"Every man dies - Not every man really lives."
-William Ross Wallace

I mentioned to an American friend that it's my dad's 5'th death anniversary today. He asked me if we really celebrate it. Haha...of course we don't celebrate it, we just remember it. We then got into a bit of argument about remembering the dead.

"I don't really see your point. Why do you remember your dead? They're gone. They don't exist anymore. They're nothing. Zilch!", that's my friend speaking.

I was thinking of a witty comeback answer but I wasn't able to produce any, so I just simply said, "We want to."

"You just want to???", he said, "Dead people are...obviously...dead. They're dirt now. Going to their grave, giving flowers, lighting candles, offering food, or whatever other weird things that you do to your dead, are totally illogical." Him sounding very analytical and logical.

Arrrggghh.... I wanted to smack him, but I wasn't really in the mood for any physical fight and argument. Obviously, he doesn't understand how I feel. The only culture he knows is his and his Korean students'.

I answered, "Death ended my father's life, but not the relationship that exists between us. So shut the hell up!!! (of course I din't say the last part. hehe)

Buti talaga tumigil sya, dahil malapit na malapit ko na sya masapok. Pero naiintindihan ko sya, dahil kung sa mga matatanda nga nila eh wala silang pakialam, lalo na siguro sa mga yumao. (Tagalog para hindi nya maintindihan sakaling mabasa nya 'to, hehe.)

IT SAYS IT ALL! :-)

[Insert-Super-Happy-Birthday-Blog-Title-Here]

QUESTION:

If humans are bound to die sooner or later, then what's the purpose of living?

The second half of my life will start today! Yes, it's my birthday. So far, only two people have greeted me in advance (my ex-colleagues from CVG called me while I was writing this - thanks guys! pero tampo parin ako..hmmmp...). I really don't give a flying fuck if people greet me or not. I will be happy no matter what. Geez... I am getting old but have not gained anything but fats and white hair and black heads and dandruff. I am completely out of sync with my ex-classmates and friends lives. But hey, I'm starting today. Yes. I want to make a change!

I know this entry will sound like another i-am-ok-and-will-be-better-soon-blah-blah-shit-blah. I'm tired of that same thingyshit, to be honest. Even myself has gone sick and tired of seeing myself get sick and tired of my own BSs in life. But I am not giving up...not anymore. I don't want to be the same Raffy who thought of taking his own life just because he can't find his purpose of living. My mom and siblings might be surprised if they get to read this... but let me confess... It really crossed my mind, not just once but many times. I was almost over the edge...just a thread away from what I was thinking of doing. I thought of killing myself.

Looking back, I remember the last time I let people see me cry. My father died 5 years ago...17th of June...3 days after my birthday. I did not cry a single tear-drop the night he died. In fact, I was quite relieved that his suffering finally ended. But when the day that he's about to be put down, reality started to slowly sink in my restless mind. I, being the only boy in the family, I can say I was really loved. My dad had been always with me as a kid, and as I grew up I realized how much he loved us. There were times when he was just being too much of everything - giving too much advice, too much criticism...he sometimes hit us with his belt also (a typical way of disciplining children during our time...long before Bantay-Bata 163 was invented, lol.)...too much of being a father... which is kind of a smothering-parental-guidance-thingy that every growing child hates. There were even times when I wished he'd go...when I wished he'd leave me alone and just let me be and do what I want. And he finally did. He died. And when I had the last glimpse of his face through the glass that separated him from us...when the coffin was finally closed...when he was being put down...I cried, hard and loud. And yes, I miss my dad.

I like being alone most of the time. Tucked inside my room, I barely go out. Only when I need to go to the john or when I feel like eating or when my mom calls me are the only times that I leave my cave-like room. I am depressed. Yes, I am. It's something that I have to face myself. Something that I cannot hide and run away from. It is there...it exists...the feeling of being depressed and the intolerable aweing pain of being lonely is always and ever present in my entirety. It's a battle between me and depression. But fighting back was never an option for me. Coward is my last name, I-am is my first. I usually run away when I cannot take things anymore. I'd call my friends, my ex-colleagues, and invite everyone I know for an all-night-drinking-session. That's where I was good at. At work, I always try to make all sort of excuses to brush off responsibilities. I know I am well-equipped with all the things I need to survive, but I'm just too darn lazy to work on things...just too lazy to fight back. I'm just too passive. Depression has been grasping me for a long time now, but I never made an attempt to fight it. I used to go out with friends, get drunk, get really really drunk, go home, get depressed again, become a bad drunk and say shitty things, jack-off. I don't know. But I really didn't like who I was before. Not a single bit. I always saw myself as the ugliest...the most boring... the least interesting and the least attractive...and the list goes on and on and on. I always wanted recognition from the people I love and care about but was too lazy to make an effort to get it. Until someone finally showed me and made me feel how it is to be cared about. That was only when I started to like myself...only because someone finally recognized me aside from my family. But it was only temporal.

I only have a few friends, but I am lucky most of them are real. It sucks to be depressed but I am lucky enough the wisest and the most open minded friends I have stayed with me. And they've been helping me.

One asked me, "What do you get from your self-pity?" "Why do you write about it?" That was my composer/music arranger friend asking me.

I answered, "It feels liberating when I vent all my frustrations...it somehow gives me a quick-fix for my suffering."

Then he asked, "And do you really think we find your frustrations and self-pity entertaining?"

A bit irritated with what he said, I told him I do not write for people to read...I do not write for other people's pleasure...that I don't give a flying or crawling or fucking fuck about other people's opinion about me... that I do it for myself and nobody else.

He replied, "Raffy...you are affecting people. As a writer and a blogger it is your responsibility to influence people in the right way. You are spreading negative thoughts thru your writings and that is totally not right."

I listened to what he was saying, wrinkling my forehead on the words "totally not right".

He added, "Instead of influencing people in the wrong way, why don't you vent your frustrations in a positive way?"

I frowned while asking him "How do I do that?"

And he told me the secret.

Sometimes I feel like I am expressing the same feelings over and over...the same very pessimistic thoughts and words over and over...like an irritating cartoon character wearing the same clothes all through out the series...like a sick-cycle carousel that continues to run in a very tediously old-fashioned circular motion. I need to come up with something special from all my frustrations and failures. I need to make and write something that will "inspire" people. Like how the deaf do it. They cannot communicate verbally, audibly, yet in there smiles, thousands of happy things are reflected. They do not dwell and complain about their disability. Instead, they make use of other things that they have to bring and share happiness to people. There's just so much things to enjoy in this world! Why do I have to wallow in pain and depression??? Pain is inevitable, everyone experiences it one way or another. But the way people respond to what's going on makes the difference. It's on the way people take things. I realized I can find something truly important in every minute of my existence. I realized I do not really need to dwell and feel sorry for myself for not having the things I wish I have...for not having the people I love and care about...and for being rejected. I only started loving myself before because someone finally recognized me. But now, it has finally dawned on me... I do not need people to motivate me. Well, it helps in some ways having someone to cheer you up and praise you and recognize you and to back you up and help you when you find yourself in deep shit, but it is only one's self who can truly save himself. Yes...I need to love and recognize myself first before I cry and beg for other people's recognition.

Wee heee... I think this is just too much drama for my birthday. Well, I am happy. I can honestly say I am.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT:

By the way, thanks to my ex-colleagues from Convergys-Alabang, for making the effort to contact me at this time (past midnight and I was writing this semi-positive post when my ex-boss and ex-colleagues called me.) And special thanks to David for buying me Bob Ong's 7th book, KAPITAN SINO (see pic) - the first Birthday gift I received this year! I really appreciate and love the book!!! And to Jaime (my best friend!) and Titus... you guys are incredible (ooohhhsome) in giving advices. Why don't you guys work as psychologists...I'm sure you'll make it big in that field! Wehehe... XD.

SONG NUMBER:

Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me!

Happy Birthday happy birthday happy birthday to me!... (Repeat 'till fade)

ANSWER TO THE QUESTION:

If you can't find a reason for living...ahmmm...well...fuck that! Just live life, be happy, and get some sex from time to time! Harharhar...

ANOTHER BY-THE-WAY:

Hmmm...the glitch here seems to be a long-lived system failure...Blogger still doesn't provide me the General Toolbar-editing options I used to have...aaarrrgghh... my font is different and my paragraphs are not justified! Ayusin na sana ng Blogger... (***update: my editing options are working fine now. Mukang mas maganda tingnan pag Arial ang font.***)

Mithi

(uncut ver.)

KAI by Maryzark
Unti-unting gumagalaw
Kanyang matang nakatanaw
Sa isang ngiting walang saya
Nagtatanong nagtataka

Bakit ba ganito
Tinapos sa gulo

Wala na rin bang halaga
Ang yakap at halik niya
Kung dati'y hinahanap pa
Ngayo'y tinataguan na

Bakit ba ganito
Tinapos sa gulo

Mahalin mo nalang kahit kunwari
Dalangin niyang makatingin sa langit
Naubos na ang sandali ng buhay niyang
Kasing gulo ng isang
Pelikulang wala namang istorya
Natapos nang ikaw nalang ang bida
Di manlang nasabi na
Mahal na mahal mo siya
Haaa... haaa...

Ang hawak mo'y kasing lamig
Ng huling halik sa kanyang bibig
Kung bakit ba umiwas pa
Sa huling tanong na meron siya

Unti-unting nalilito
Naiinis sa kwento mo
Daig niyo pa ang t.v. ko...

Mahalin mo nalang kahit kunwari
Dalangin niyang nakatingin sa langit
Naubos na ang sandali ng buhay niyang
Kasing gulo ng isang
Pelikulang wala namang istorya
Natapos nang ikaw nalang ang bida
Di manlang nasabi na
Mahal na mahal mo siya
Mahal na mahal mo siya

Naubos na ang luha niya
Pikit na ang kanyang mata
Kanina'y nakatitig pa
Sa larawan mo na yakap niya

Mahalin mo nalang kahit kunwari
Dalangin niyang nakatingin sa langit
Naubos na ang sandali ng buhay niya
Kasing gulo ng isang
Pelikulang wala namang istorya
Natapos nang ikaw nalang ang bida
Di manlang nasabi na
Mahal na mahal mo sya

Mahalin mo nalang kahit kunwari
Dalangin niyang makatingin sa langit
Naubos na ang sandali ng buhay niya
Kasing gulo ng isang
Pelikulang wala namang istorya
Natapos nang ikaw nalang ang bida
Di manlang nasabi na
Mahal na mahal mo siya
Mahal na mahal mo siya
Mahal na mahal mo siya...

ZEITGEIST

Source: Google Videos

Let me know what you think. It might change what you believe is real and what you think you understand.

Am I supposed to be happy?

"Am I supposed to be happy, with all I ever wanted comes with a price..." Cat and Mouse by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

I'm back. Got stucked in my own cosmos again right after making a promise that i'll give my bloggie a regular update. Yep, I guess promises are really made to be broken.

BTW, I'm sorry about the font and color, Blogger doesn't show the font and color and other editing options as I type this. Must be a short-lived fault in their system or something.

Had been so busy this past week helping a friend move to Mandaluyong City. All where just in time when my internet got disconnected due to non-payment reason. Nothing's more irritating than losing my internet connection...it's like half of my life is missing without it. Helping my friend though kept me busy for the entirety of my internet-disconnection-period. My friend is doing ok now, and I guess my role is over. That's just what my role is...just a helper...just a friend. Sigh.

Got my internet bill paid last night and so here I am back to my regular but not-so-regular habit of writing non-sensical-stuff. My phone is still disconnected though (f*ck). I have a new number by the way, If I did not contact you using my new number, don't feel bad..you're not just that important to me...just like how unimportant I am to you.

This entry was supposed to be about something positive, but nothing positive is happening in my life so far. I am still the same old-tedious-and-lonely-fat-assed-dork (self-confessed). I will NEVER be happy...I know. Now LIFE has got to prove me wrong!

I got a job offer last May and was supposed to start on the 15th of June, but I decided not to sign the contract. And then just last week I applied for a Technical Support position both for DELL and for an Australian Internet Provider called Telstra in Teleperformance (BTW, TP sucks...the most eeewww job offer I was ever offered, but I'm not going to discuss it here. Go to TP and try it yourself), and yep, I got hired on both...but the offer weren't great. Would start on 22nd had I signed the contract. Actually, their HR is giving me untill Thursday of this week to think it over...but I'm not going back (muka nila). I'm getting offers but all are not good, and they're based in MOA and Octagon in Ortigas... like an hour or two away from Alabang. I was almost ready to say yes to octagon because I thought I can stay with my friend in Mandaluyong, but things changed. So I'm still jobless. It's not really about the money, I am looking for something more than money can offer. And I'm not talking about job. Happiness, that is.

***update: I found out TP is NOT the worst...it's eTelecare!!!...promise, sobrang baba ng in-offer na sweldo ng eTelecare, at ang bagal pa ng recruiting team nila...paghihintayin ka ng sobrang tagal, 10hrs ako dun (at hindi yan joke, totoo yan from 10am-8pm), tapos bigla kang gugulatin na ganito lang ang inooffer nila...arrrggghh.....sa TP na lang ako papasok kesa sa eTel...manigas sila!!!

Being lonely has been, and will continue to be, part of my life. Lonely and horny at the same time...a not-so-very-perfect combination. Pakshet. I am just too tired to move myself, more so my world now. I just want to stay still and wait till I die.

AFTERWORD:

I am happy for a day, and then I'll be back to the same old shitty feeling. That's how my life goes. I know I cannot go on like this, but I'm just so helpless. My happiness is very transitory. It's all temporal. I'm tired. Very very tired.

My birthday is near...I bet no one will remember it but my family.

AFTER-AFTERWORD:

I'm still dreaming that you'll surprise me on my birthday. Surprise me please. I am waiting. I'm still yours. Just yours.

Right Here...