HEALTH CONSCIOUS, me...(?)

Alright. I have a confession to make. I'm sure you're not gonna look at me differently, and I'm perfectly sure that you're not gonna care neither.

I am sick.

Arrgghh.

I am sick. I think I will die before I reach 40, or maybe 30. My hypertension is not doing good - well by just the way it is called "hypertension" doesn't make it any good. I'm having fever every month. I get tired easily. I sweat too much. I feel sleepy during the hours of the day when I'm not suppose to sleep, and I couldn't force myself to sleep when it's time to hit the sack. Plus, I occasionally feel chest pain with reasons that doctors couldn't decipher even with the aide of modern ECG and stress test machine. The last time I had my heart checked was last January. They said my heart is ok, but I am feeling something inside. Listen...what I feel has nothing to do with "love", ok. I was in love but this has...arrgghh...ok, I am still in love, but this has nothing to do with the chest pain. I feel it. There's something wrong in my heart, biologically. Recently, with the last laboratory test that they did, the doctor said he sees something wrong with my liver, and he wants me to do another lab test and blah-blah-shit-blah....arrgghh!!!

Raffy 1: Wait... why am I telling them these?

Raffy 2: Fuck that Raffy! You're not suppose to confess such things, idiot! Medical information are personal info!

Raffy 1: Ok, my alter ego, I understand you. It's just that, we'll never know what's gonna happen later or tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, so as early as now we need to start saying at least a semi-goodbye to our loved ones. You cannot really control what's already written in our destiny.

Raffy 2: Haha, our destiny? If you want to die before 30, then make it YOUR destiny, ok?! Don't include me.

Ok...guys, just forget everything that I've written above. It's just a joke. I'm not sick guys. :-) hahaha... gotcha! Teee heee heee! XD Probably sick in the head, you might say, haha. XD

Way back last March, I told myself that't I'd start running to burn my body fat and lose even just a couple of pounds. I was jogging and running and walking everynight (yes, that was everynight) of the first 2 weeks of March, but on the 3rd and 4th week I started slacking with my running. Untill I became totally lazy with the amount of hours I have to hit the pavement. I became too lazy to even do just a lazy walk. Untill I stopped from running/jogging/walking at night. Last week, I tried to do it again, but I discovered I could no longer jog even for just 5-straight mins without stopping and gasping for air. The roads where we live are very steep, and run along side of empty vacant lots. After like 30 mins or so, I gave up. I turned around and walk home again. Bullfrogs and goats that hide behind the bushes were snorting and
laughing at me. I'm a loser. X(

Then I got sick after that night. Doing that slow-pace 30-min jogging made me sick?! Ano ba yan? I have fever since Saturday. I remember I just had flu last July, and now after just a month and some days I am sick again! WTF is goin on?

I think I need to change a few things in my lifestyle. I realized I've been drinking too much this past few months (ok...it's really past-few-years) and I am aware that it's not healthy. (NOTE: The fact that I admit I know too much alcohol is bad for the health shows that I am not an alcoholic. Research says 99.9% of alcoholics do not admit to themselves the bad effects of alcohol. But of course, this data is just a made-up-story of yours truly, hahaha.) I also need to lessen my sugar and salt intake. A little exercise, a little lifting, would be great too. I'm not really a fitness conscious person, but I guess I need to start becoming conscious with my health if I want to go beyond 30 or 40.

Damn Raffy, you're getting heavier each day! Yeah, I need exercise. I need to jog! I need to get into it again! But how? Maybe I need to make a commitment, not just to myself but also to the people who will get to read this. Okay, ready:

1. I will get back into running/jogging/walking.
2. I will not cheat and will not fake my running.
3. Less fatty and salty food. Less sugar too.
4. NO MORE ALCOHOL. Period.

This is it for now. Wait, I think the last one's really hard. Arrgghh, I don't know if I can do that shit right away, so please allow me to change that into 2-or-3-beer-bottle-a-month policy for now. Then after a month or two I'll make it a 1-beer-bottle-a-month policy. Yeah, this rule is more obtainable. Teee heee heee! XD Don't question me, ok. These are my rules, so I can change or burn it all whenever I want! Harharhar! XD

Why am I telling you these again? Err....so you can...errr... help me. With you guys watching over me, I know I would have to stick to my commitment. XD

But for now, I need to sleep. Good thing my fever is almost gone now. Great. XD

BTW, my sister is doing fine now. She now has a distorted face and a skewed left shoulder. Hehehe, she's doing better, and all will be back to normal after a couple of months. Thank God. XD

Suddenly Anti

As expected, I am sick and tired again of what I'm doing. But this is just too soon. Seems like I am getting lazier each day. Arrgggh.

Ok. I admit I have problems managing my laziness, but what's happening to me now isn't just plain laziness...it's anger, irritability, infuriation, annoyance, and blah-blah-shit-blah. ARRGGHH!!! I am MAD!!!

I just feel I need to vent this frustration and stay calm, otherwise my BP might skyrocket again (yeah, my blood pressure rise very quickly). I don't like what's going on in my present company. Damn, they're very INCONSISTENT!!! Two of my best friends in my present company-whose-name-I-won't-mention, were forced to resign. For whatever flying-fucking reason the company has - it's just very unacceptable!!! 5-fuckingly-tedious interviews, and a couple of computer-based exams... you see, the recruitment process that applicants go through in my company, whose-name-I-won't-mention, isn't simple. With my experience, it's the hardest, I must say. We already proved ourselves during the application process!!! Bakit nagtanggalan pa???!!!

I liked my company - and i said I LIKED. It's in past tense. I don't want to feel this way since I work for them, but I just don't like what's going on - from the assessment to production to HR...all are getting arrggh. Out of 18 trainees, only 3 of us passed the first-take of the final assessment. Assessment palang may mali na! The three of us passed not because we're the best in the class, but we're just plain LUCKY. The people who assessed us, who happened to be team leads and OMs on the floor, were not calibrated with what they're supposed to do - walang set of standard for comparison. Each has his own "standard-of-excellence-shitness" that unlucky trainees have to meet. Iba-iba sila ng feedback sa mga perehong situations during the assessment. The one who assessed me, I believe, was an OM, and was just very easy to please. Yes, I passed not because I am good but because I was lucky that my assessor did not give me a hard time. When I'm with a new group of people in school, or, in this case, in the call center, I always assume that I'm the best...the fastest to learn...the most dead-set. Call it arrogance, but that's my way of adapting to a new environment. I always want to start things strong. But in my batch, I'd be really very arrogant if I say I am the best, because I'm not. I failed the pre-final assessment, and I was always sleeping during training. If there's someone who knows each one's capability - it's our trainer! Bakit ba kasi kailangang team leaders and OM pa ang mag assess sa trainees? Mabuti sana kung calibrated sila, mabuti kung nag-usap-uusap sila kung anong tama at mali, kung ano ang pwede sa hindi, kung ano ang magaling sa so-so, kaso hinde. Kanya-kanya sila ng ginamit na sistema - without even considering that we're just in training. Lahat naman ng process matututunan namin sa floor. Since we were just trainees, dapat basic grading system lang ang ginamit nila. Bakit ako nagagalit? Kasi kung pagalingan lang sa "call-center-ability" ang labanan, there are people on the floor who are not supposed to be there!!! I have nothing againsts them. In fact, I am happy that they made it to production. Pero bakit yung mga kaibigan ko, hindi nila pinayagan? Fuck that! My friends are even way-way-way better than some of the agents I know! I've been in the call center industry for quite sometime now, and I can honestly gauge one's capability. Alam ko kung sino ang kaya at alam ko rin kung sino ang tagilid. My friends are good. I'm telling this not because they're my friends. I'm rooting for them because they are good...far better than others in my batch. Siguro nga wala ako sa lugar para magalit sa mga boss, dahil bago lang ako, and i should be happy because i made it to production. Pero, hindi kasi naging fair ang labanan. Nalulungkot talaga ako. ='(

For the mean time, I'll play the game. Live today, fight tomorrow. Sabi ng kaibigan kong si Jaime I need to detach myself from this issue. Management preroggative daw yon, at isa pa pumasa naman daw ako. He added, wala naman daw perfect na company, at wala ring perfect na employee. Pero basta, masama parin ang loob ko. Hindi patas ang naging labanan.

Bilib na bilib pa naman ako sa kumpanya ko dati, I was so proud being part of it, lalo na sa free iced-tea and juices nila, but now...arrgghh. I find myself suddenly anti-my-company (whose-name-I-won't-mention-for-now)

HYPERTENSION AND A BROKEN HUMERUS

What a great way to start the month: (1) I have a Stage-2 Hypertension and my doctor won't give me a fit to work med cert because of some pending lab results and (2) My sister got into a motorcycle accident with her "good-for-nothing" boyfriend.

My sister is not doing good. She broke her left arm's humerus and she has bruises all over her body. Mind you, she BROKE her bone, it's not dislocated nor a minor fracture. Just imagine splitting a chocolate-wafer-stick into two - that's how it looks like. She's scheduled for operation tomorrow noon, metal plates will be used to reconnect her broken bone, and the healing process might take upto 3-4months. Arrgghh. Awang-awa ako sa kanya... :-(

Oh, her boyfriend? He's perfectly fine - just a small bruise on his elbow. Malakas pa sa kalabaw. Great. I WANT TO KILL HIM!!!