Suddenly Anti

As expected, I am sick and tired again of what I'm doing. But this is just too soon. Seems like I am getting lazier each day. Arrgggh.

Ok. I admit I have problems managing my laziness, but what's happening to me now isn't just plain laziness...it's anger, irritability, infuriation, annoyance, and blah-blah-shit-blah. ARRGGHH!!! I am MAD!!!

I just feel I need to vent this frustration and stay calm, otherwise my BP might skyrocket again (yeah, my blood pressure rise very quickly). I don't like what's going on in my present company. Damn, they're very INCONSISTENT!!! Two of my best friends in my present company-whose-name-I-won't-mention, were forced to resign. For whatever flying-fucking reason the company has - it's just very unacceptable!!! 5-fuckingly-tedious interviews, and a couple of computer-based exams... you see, the recruitment process that applicants go through in my company, whose-name-I-won't-mention, isn't simple. With my experience, it's the hardest, I must say. We already proved ourselves during the application process!!! Bakit nagtanggalan pa???!!!

I liked my company - and i said I LIKED. It's in past tense. I don't want to feel this way since I work for them, but I just don't like what's going on - from the assessment to production to HR...all are getting arrggh. Out of 18 trainees, only 3 of us passed the first-take of the final assessment. Assessment palang may mali na! The three of us passed not because we're the best in the class, but we're just plain LUCKY. The people who assessed us, who happened to be team leads and OMs on the floor, were not calibrated with what they're supposed to do - walang set of standard for comparison. Each has his own "standard-of-excellence-shitness" that unlucky trainees have to meet. Iba-iba sila ng feedback sa mga perehong situations during the assessment. The one who assessed me, I believe, was an OM, and was just very easy to please. Yes, I passed not because I am good but because I was lucky that my assessor did not give me a hard time. When I'm with a new group of people in school, or, in this case, in the call center, I always assume that I'm the best...the fastest to learn...the most dead-set. Call it arrogance, but that's my way of adapting to a new environment. I always want to start things strong. But in my batch, I'd be really very arrogant if I say I am the best, because I'm not. I failed the pre-final assessment, and I was always sleeping during training. If there's someone who knows each one's capability - it's our trainer! Bakit ba kasi kailangang team leaders and OM pa ang mag assess sa trainees? Mabuti sana kung calibrated sila, mabuti kung nag-usap-uusap sila kung anong tama at mali, kung ano ang pwede sa hindi, kung ano ang magaling sa so-so, kaso hinde. Kanya-kanya sila ng ginamit na sistema - without even considering that we're just in training. Lahat naman ng process matututunan namin sa floor. Since we were just trainees, dapat basic grading system lang ang ginamit nila. Bakit ako nagagalit? Kasi kung pagalingan lang sa "call-center-ability" ang labanan, there are people on the floor who are not supposed to be there!!! I have nothing againsts them. In fact, I am happy that they made it to production. Pero bakit yung mga kaibigan ko, hindi nila pinayagan? Fuck that! My friends are even way-way-way better than some of the agents I know! I've been in the call center industry for quite sometime now, and I can honestly gauge one's capability. Alam ko kung sino ang kaya at alam ko rin kung sino ang tagilid. My friends are good. I'm telling this not because they're my friends. I'm rooting for them because they are good...far better than others in my batch. Siguro nga wala ako sa lugar para magalit sa mga boss, dahil bago lang ako, and i should be happy because i made it to production. Pero, hindi kasi naging fair ang labanan. Nalulungkot talaga ako. ='(

For the mean time, I'll play the game. Live today, fight tomorrow. Sabi ng kaibigan kong si Jaime I need to detach myself from this issue. Management preroggative daw yon, at isa pa pumasa naman daw ako. He added, wala naman daw perfect na company, at wala ring perfect na employee. Pero basta, masama parin ang loob ko. Hindi patas ang naging labanan.

Bilib na bilib pa naman ako sa kumpanya ko dati, I was so proud being part of it, lalo na sa free iced-tea and juices nila, but now...arrgghh. I find myself suddenly anti-my-company (whose-name-I-won't-mention-for-now)