Malungkot ako. It's not depression, mind. All those emoish-litany-blahs I wrote in the past were about how depressed I was with all the blah blah blah and whatnot. I was always complaining. After making a quick study of my life (again) by listing down 1.) all the things and goals that I met successfully; 2.) things that I wanted to do but never did; and 3.) things that I was successfull in failing, I realized that what I was experiencing before was more of dissatisfaction than depression. Yes, I was dissatisfied. Not depressed. A good friend taught me this self-analysis-ek-ek along time ago. It works! I wanted to be successful but I never really had the will to work for it. Parang si Juan tamad lang. Gusto ng bayabas pero tamad umakyat sa puno kaya't humilata nalang at nag-abang sa pagbagsak nito. Ugaling tamad. Aminado ako. One thing I realized from this is that I don't have the right to expect things that I am not willing to work for; such as success. Wala rin akong karapatang magreklamo sakaling mabigo ang expectations ko kung wala naman akong ginawang paraan para makamit yon. Dapat kong gayahin si Naruto (kung di mo kilala si Naruto hindi mo maiintindihan ang sinasabi ko). Malungkot lang ako kasi ang hirap bumangon mula sa pagkakadapa. Ayan, tag-lish na.
I went to a job interview yesterday. There were only 3 interviews, but the overall process was very tedious - as in. I was hired by three different companies last year (at may experience pa ako bago yan... oo, di ako mapakali kakaresign) and that's where majority of the questions during the interviews revolved. Bakit ka nag-apply sa kanila, anong trabaho mo doon, bakit ka nagresign, anong ayaw mo, bakit ka nag-apply sa kanila, anong trabaho mo doon, bakit ka nagresign, anong ayaw mo... parang kanta, repeat till fade....paulit-ulit, nakakaasar, nakakarindi. Eto ang hirap kapag call center hopper ka. Parang lahat ng aaplayan mo wala ng tiwala sayo. Umabot ako sa final interview. I was told I passed, but no job offer was made. Tatawagan daw ako next week for the next step. The line of business where, "they said", I will be assigned has two departments. Ipo-profile lang daw ako kung saang dept ako bagay. I was assured that I passed the final interview, but the fact that I was not offered a job outright worries me. Bakit kelangan pa maghintay? Tatawagan - errr, that's the usual regret speil. I just hope they don't give false hopes to their applicants. May istorya to eh. Dapat Nung July pa ako nagstart dito sa kumpanyang to - lintik nagresign daw yung hr specialist na may hawak ng profile ko. Nangyari: profile missing. Nagstart na yung batch ko ng hindi ako tinatawagan. Ang problema wala pa akong pinipirmahang job offer noon. Hindi ko kasalanan. Ayoko na ring manisi (mabait ako kasi ako ang may kailangan sa kanila). Basta, I'll wait for their call next week. I will. Patience is a virtue. Umaasa ako na tatawagan nga nila ako. I did my best in the interview, so hindi siguro masama na mag-expect ako ng tagumpay.
I was asked, during the final interview; Where do you see yourself 5 years from now? That effing question again - pfft. I wanted to answer, "Hopefully not having to go through another interview like this with another company - gusto ko na dito sa kumpanya nyo, tanggapin nyo ako please!!!", but of course I didn't. I don't want to sound too desperate. I'm really dead-set about staying longer in my next job. I made the wrong decision when I resigned from etch es bee sea (oo - yung hongkong shanghai bangkok china, hahaha). It was the best company I worked for, pero naging sakitin ako noong panahon na yon so I chose to resign and stay at home, and recuperate (na psychosomatic lang talaga, bunga ng katamaran). I know I know I know... there's no use crying over spilled milk. I promised myself that I will stay longer in my next job, that's why I'm carefully choosing the companies I am applying at. Sana may maniwala naman.
Sana may dumating na good news next week para party-party na. XD